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  1. Tags
    Summary

    The man’s eyes widen. “Hang on.” He drops the shoe and tries to scramble over the lobby desk. He’s only technically successful, flailing onto the floor.

    “Whoa, dude, are you-“ He does that disconcerting popping up thing again, this time right in his face. He steps back a little. “Whoa, dude-“

    “Hang on.”

    “You already said-“

    “You said you don’t know if you like being scruffy or not.” He tilts his head. “Are you trying to tell me that you don’t know who you are either?”

     

    Dirk and Todd, with no memory in a hotel that goes on forever.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,379
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    30
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    193
  2. Tags
    Summary

    It's bad enough that Dirk is hopelessly in love with his best friend. It's worse that he can't stop thinking about the time they lay together in a hotel bed because they both got shot by time travelling lawnmower salesmen. Probably worse than "worse." Probably very creepy. Probably catastrophic.

    Written as a companion piece to gallantrejoinder's Give Me Love, Give Me Vertigo.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,943
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    23
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    159
  3. Tags
    Summary

    "What about him?" Dirk asked innocently, taking an avid interest in the remains of his banana milkshake.

    Farah rolled her eyes. "Don't make me say it."

    He carefully arranged a blob of cream into a cat shape with his straw.

    "Fine. Dirk, how's the enormous crush on your roommate going?"

     

    Dirk returns to the Ridgely after an impromptu jaunt across the Nordic wilderness, and finds life has moved on somewhat in his absence. With Farah camping in his bedroom, Bart and Ken living in (alleged) domestic bliss, and Todd freshened up and back on the dating scene, he finds himself with no one to commiserate with but his agoraphobic landlady Amanda; who, sadly, remains the one person he can never be truly honest with, on account of the whole 'lying to get the flat' thing.

    A superbly bad idea, in retrospect.

    Return to the domestic mayhem as the sadder but wiser six grapple their way through the maze of adult life; featuring quests for belonging, self-actualisation, and hobbies that don't involve shooting each other with paint.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,491
    Chapters:
    3/13
    Comments:
    37
    Kudos:
    48
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    511
  4. Tags
    Summary

    “Well, that’s sinister, isn’t it?” Dirk breathes out, “I mean, a mysterious door at the end of a dark corridor at a crime scene? That doesn’t make me feel very safe.”

    “Safe isn’t a word I would associate to what we do,” Todd laughs.

     

    It starts with Bart, an empty Capri-Sun and the warning that the Universe wants to kill Dirk's best friend.
    It ends with said best friend getting shot and suits made of human skin.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,558
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    20
    Kudos:
    28
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    199
  5. Tags
    Summary

    "Terrible as it is, it’s easier to cling to the hope that there were good reasons for what they did. That the people who treated him well were at heart good people, and they hadn’t just been lying to him the whole time, that the small amounts of affection he’d been given were real and tangible. Even when he knows the truth somewhere deep inside it doesn’t mean he wants to acknowledge it.

    But, like all things, it’s only a matter of time."

    ***
    The only thing Dirk Gently has ever learned to do with his trauma, is shove it down as deep as it will go, lock it away, and hope that ignoring it means it isn't really there. For a while at least, it works. But when the past comes knocking looking to make amends, and pretending that none of it was as bad as it seemed isn't an option anymore, the delicate balancing act he's been practicing for years finally tips over the edge.

    Healing is painful, recovery isn't linear, sometimes you have to tear everything down before you can start to rebuild.

    His own demons might be the scariest thing he's ever had to face, but it's not something he has to do alone, and in the end that makes all the difference.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    35,382
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    151
    Kudos:
    156
    Bookmarks:
    32
    Hits:
    1629
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Just various plot ideas that hit me. That I’ll never go back to. I don’t own anything. Though if anybody wants to write them I would love to read them.

    Please, I would really love some of these done but I just can’t have the time to expand on them. Mostly because I’m not good with multiple chapter works.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,112
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    6
    Hits:
    347
  7. Tags
    Summary

    “I’m going to kill them. I’m going to take my time with it, and you’re going to watch. You will watch them suffer and die in my hands, and do you know why they’re going to die?” Svlad was crying harder and Priest was slowly standing up, watching him with heavy eyes as he began pleading him not to. His voice already going hoarse from the tears he was choking on. He just kept smiling at him, hands sliding up to pet his hair. Running his gloved fingers through it before pulling his hand back to take the gloves off. “They’re going to die, because you don’t need them anymore. You have me now, and I’m all you’re ever going to have.” Svald was shaking his head while watching his face, a look of uncertainty in his eyes.

    “Wh-what does that mean?”

    “Oh, Svlad, this is the best part.” He was laughing while moving his hands to rest them on the boy’s arms, leaning on them and feeling them twitch and tense under his hands. “You’re mine now."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    387,955
    Chapters:
    40/?
    Comments:
    90
    Kudos:
    97
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    2541
  8. Tags
    Summary

    “The stories are...tangential. Sometimes enjoyable, largely unbelievable, and definitely not the point of the exercise.”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,622
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    89
  9. Tags
    Summary

    (...) He collapsed onto his knees, sobbing. He couldn’t take it anymore. For the first time in his life he found friends, true friends and he has let them all down. In the worst way possible.
    “What of it, then?” He heard his own voice above him. He looked up and saw himself, in his yellow jacket, looking down at himself with pity.
    “What of what?” He asked inanely.
    “Of your life. Of your purpose, Dirk.”
    He looked around and shrugged. He didn’t know. Seriously didn’t know.
    “I guess-,” he looked around then went back to his own face above him. “I guess it’s the end.”
    “Oh no, Dirk.” The other him kneeled before him and took his hand in his. “No. It’s just the beginning.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,843
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Kudos:
    15
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    201
  10. Tags
    Summary

    As requested, here is a collection of drabbles, all based on prompts I've gotten on tumblr (protecticarus, hence the title of this collection).
    Some are gen & some include a romantic relationship (Todd/Dirk mostly, but occasionally others too) which will be pretty clear from the prompt.
    Thank you so much for my tumblr followers for prompting, reading & liking these so far!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    64,367
    Chapters:
    53/?
    Comments:
    259
    Kudos:
    258
    Bookmarks:
    21
    Hits:
    3297
  11. Tags
    Summary

    “But it’s like, you’re over there, reading some long-ass tome, and I’m over here, imagining characters from my favorite TV show getting it on.”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,039
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    8
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    42
  12. Tags
    Summary

    “For me, reading is the only time when I can...it makes things quieter.”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,620
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    8
    Hits:
    48
  13. Tags
    Summary

    They continued like that, Todd quietly appreciating the music but appreciating Dirk more, and Dirk yell-singing the songs as he badly maneuvered his way towards the hospital.
    They were almost there when the opening of a new song started, Dirk’s eyes quickly darted from where they’d been trained on the road over to Todd before he reached out and hit the skip button on his phone.
    “Why’d you-”
    “Nearly there, Todd!” Dirk interrupted, “Looks like I’ll actually get you to your appointment on time today.”
    Todd frowned slightly but dropped his question. Sometimes his best friend was weird, but when you practically lived with Dirk Gently you got used to the occasional bout of oddness.

    Dirk has decided to create a car playlist solely comprised of Jukebox the Ghost songs, but there's one song that he won't let Todd listen to, not yet anyway.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,633
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    31
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    209
  14. Tags
    Summary

    "find the boy".
    What if the boy was a different boy? What if it was not a boy at all, but the Antichrist?
    Dirk wakes up in the backseat of a black Bentley, Anathema hits the wrong thing with her bike, and - are those prophecies, Amanda?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,808
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    40
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    348
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Icarus is a boy with magical flowing blonde hair that glows when he sings, and a dream of one day becoming a detective. But his father has kept him locked in a tower all his life so that bad people don’t come and try to use him for his power.
    Meanwhile, Todd Brotzman and his band of bandits, Mexican Funeral, have stolen a mysterious machine from King Patrick that is said to hold immense value.
    And to top it all off, Princess Lydia has gone missing.

    Basically, the Tangled AU that nobody asked for.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    21,873
    Chapters:
    17/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    11
    Hits:
    115
  16. Tags
    Summary

    This fic just kinda went off on its own, I'm just a leaf in the stream of creation, in this case rather fingers typing on the keyboard in the stream of what my mind makes me write once in a blue moon. Anyways first there's a lot of comfort cause the boys are hurt and awkward and they just need some love and then Dirk sees someone he did not expect to see ever again and has some Doubts.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,155
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    18
    Hits:
    168
  17. Tags
    Summary

    One missing person is so normal it’s almost boring, and two really isn’t much better. A missing house on the other hand, that’s a little more interesting, and when an entire street disappears without a trace, it’s fair to say Dirk is in his element.

    Then Todd goes missing, and he’s so out of his element it threatens to drown him.

    It's all just symptoms of a bigger problem, one Dirk has been trying his hardest to ignore, something broken in the fabric of reality itself that's only growing worse with time. He's not the only one who feels it, but he might be the only one who can fix it. It's a thought that he doesn't even want to consider, let alone have to contend with when he doesn't know what he's doing and he no longer has Todd to help him out.

    But Dirk isn’t ready to give up just yet, no matter what the universe tries to toss his way. Instead he finds allies in unlikely places, friends where he’d assumed enemies, and sets out for the one place on earth he swore he’d never go back to. He’s going to set things right if it kills him, it’s what he was meant to do, he has to fix this.

    And get Todd back in the process. That part is non-negotiable.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    50,923
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    52
    Kudos:
    46
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    521
  18. Tags
    Summary

    'Left unattended by the universe and with an actual (poorly) paid team, Dirk got ideas. Dirk Googled. And Dirk booked Team Building Exercises.'

    Buoyed by the existence of the Agency and a desire to Solve Cases Without Universal Involvement, Dirk has decided the Agency will now be participating in an escape room. In theory this will strengthen their bonds as a team. In practice they're just getting trapped together in their spare time too.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,888
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    27
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    248
  19. Tags
    Summary

    “How did this happen?” Farah looks vaguely suspicious of a sudden influx of aesthetically pleasing flowers, which, if Todd’s being honest, is the sort of reason that she’s his best friend. “Did Mona do it?”

    “Nope.” Dirk holds up his wrist where a silver bracelet made up of tiny stares jangles a little bit. “We stayed up late watching Kitchen Nightmares and she decided she’d like to come in to work for a bit today. Couldn’t have been her.”

    Farah’s eyes narrow and her hand goes to the gun on her belt.

    “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Todd says quickly, holding up his hands. “I did it, don’t shoot any of the vases, okay, I don’t want to have to go out and get new ones.”

     

    Where Todd finds out what flowers mean, where he does his best to express feelings without having to verbalize it, and where I write the absolutely most tooth rotting fluff I have ever put to pen.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,651
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    99
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    497
  20. Tags
    Summary

    After Todd, Farah, and Mona are kidnapped, the universe leads a wounded Dirk to the last two people he wants help from: Ken and Priest.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,740
    Chapters:
    14/14
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    7
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    201

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