1 - 20 of 130 Works in Eric Chapman/Rudyard Funn

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Rudyard Funn runs a funeral home in the village of Piffling Vale. It used to be the only one. It isn't anymore.
    Rudyard is a cantankerous, taciturn man without height, charisma or any memorable features. Most people hate him - that is if they recognise him out of the context of his funeral home at all. He is quite used to that by now.
    But that all changes when, by a quirk of fate, he learns that someone on the island has developed some intensely conflicted feelings towards him.
    For the first time in his life, Rudyard has an admirer.
    If only he knew what to do about it!


    Eyes flailing, ricocheting in their sockets Rudyard cast a desperate glance about himself for an excuse, any excuse to further stall Chapman and finally blurted.
    'What about dinner?' This had the desired effect because Chapman's purposeful march petered into a stop.
    'Well, what about it?' He mumbled, facing Rudyard once more.
    'W-would you like to have dinner tonight?'
    'I like to have dinner every night. Now, if that is all you wanted, I guess I might just-'
    'More specifically, would you like to have dinner with me?'
    'Oh, blimey. Well yes, bloody yes, of course!'

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,211
    Chapters:
    4/9
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    18
    Hits:
    96
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Eric Chapman was asleep. He isn't anymore.

    Thanks to a phone call from Rudyard Funn, he finds himself in Funn Funerals wearing a coat and pajamas, and trying to calm Rudyard down from some sort of breakdown.

    Rudyard has mixed feelings on the matter.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,769
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    34
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    155
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Prince Rudyard has been trapped in a tower with his sister since they were young. They used to be alone in the woods. They aren't anymore.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,719
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Comments:
    44
    Kudos:
    52
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    417
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Eric Chapman: look, ive been thinking

    Rudyard Funn: oh, was it hard?

    Eric Chapman: i

    Eric Chapman: shut up and let me speak

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    943
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Collections:
    1
    Kudos:
    18
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    141
  5. Tags
    Summary

    The nature of undertakers is such that when they inevitably reach rock bottom they will begin to dig. So it's hardly surprising that desperate funeral director Rudyard Funn is relying on increasingly shoddy business practices when trying to beat his relentless rival, Eric Chapman.
    Still, he may have dug himself into a hole too deep even for an undertaker when accepting this commission from Calliope's mother. Namely, to put her daughter off of becoming an undertaker herself (while also burying her uncle). And while the one thing Rudyard excels in is failing, could it be that the one time it actually matters he might just... fail at being a failure?
    Let's find out!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,403
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    11
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    105
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Rudyard Funn went to his bed looking like himself. He doesn't, anymore.
    Rudyard and Eric swap bodies for a day and things happen. Freaky Friday AU, sort of. Just the body swap part.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,810
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    48
    Kudos:
    126
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    841
  7. Tags
    Summary

    '"Am I really the only one who’s noticed that every time we try to sabotage his plans, he just comes out of it better than ever?”

    “Nonsense. If we do it enough, he’s bound to suffer eventually,” replied Rudyard, who had presumably never heard Einstein’s definition of insanity.

    At this point, valued reader, it occurs to me that some context may do you good. You see, Rudyard and Georgie (and Antigone, begrudgingly) had been scheming for weeks for a new way to disgrace the Chapman name and win back some business, after Chapman had announced a truly inexcusable plan, an insult to all values held by Funn Funerals: he would be hosting a Village Tea Dance.'

    (or: fellas, is it gay to slow dance with your rival because he double dared you)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,149
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    67
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    253
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Off the coast of Northern California there was an island called Piffling, and on this island was a village called Piffling Vale that was very nearly a town. In this village there is a family that was not quite like the others. The Reverend, Nigel Wavering, had decided that as part of his service to God (who may or may not exist), he would adopt the children whose parents had died tragically in a hearse accident. The children were Rudyard and Antigone Funn. Rudyard used to be enjoying his life. He isn’t anymore. Eric Chapman had moved to Piffling just before the beginning of the school year, and in just three short months it had become very clear that anything Rudyard could do, Eric could do better.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,654
    Chapters:
    2/15
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    14
    Hits:
    77
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Even after thirty-five years and a shared murder investigation with Horatia, Agatha would rather let sleeping dogs lie. Unfortunately, the new Village Archivist is more the type to trip over said sleeping dogs and then boot them off a cliff.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,469
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    56
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    283
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Sometimes, special events don't need grand parties to celebrate them. Sometimes a few flowers and a bottle of sparkling grape juice are enough.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,853
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    35
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    208
  11. Tags
    Summary

    A graveyard, an inn, and a lighthouse guard the ocean from the shore. This is a story about the five people who take care of them.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,270
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    20
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    166
  12. Tags
    Summary

    When Rudyard refuses to help Chapman fill a grave before a storm, they both end up soaked and trapped by the tide. Spending the night in silence in a cave together seems fine but it's getting dark out and the camping light is starting to flicker.

    Or. Chapman and Rudyard get trapped in a cave together and the dark helps break some barriers between them.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,592
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    82
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    373
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Have you ever wondered whether Chapman and Funn Funerals ever reconciled after the events in the uranium mine? Well, fret no more because amends are made and a disastrous Christmas is turned around in "Silent night?" Not bloomin' likely!"

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,725
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    37
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    204
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Eric Bloody Chapman would truly be the death of him, Rudyard was quickly coming to realise.

    It wasn’t enough that he was always so damn charming, with his smile and his face and his arms and his voice (and really, that’s just too many nice features to have, it’s obscene).

    No, he just had to give Rudyard his spare ticket to this damn conference on the mainland, and it probably wasn’t his fault that the only remaining hotel room was a double, but Rudyard was going to blame him for it anyway because now he was sleeping in a bed with Eric Bloody Chapman.

    --

    (and there was only one bed...)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,098
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    60
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    597
  15. Tags
    Summary

    “I’m not interested in, well, anyone romantically. At all. Ever.”

    “So you’re-”

    “And you can’t try and fix me, Chapman, I’ll have you kn-”

    “You’re aromantic, Rudyard, I get it. I’m on the aromantic spectrum too.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,262
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    33
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    222
  16. Tags
    Summary

    So far Rudyard Funn tried everything to rid himself of his rival, ranging from slander to murder. But nothing seems to make a lasting impact on Eric Chapman. However, his new job as a village archivist may have just given his old obsession some much needed new ammunition. As he gears up once more to squish Chapman right into the dirt, only one question still remains.
    What could possibly go wrong?
    Or in which Rudyard becomes the village’s premier (albeit unwitting) travel writer, Eric looks spectacular in spandex and Mayor Desmond struggles to consolidate being native to his place of birth.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,060
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    47
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    355
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Rudyard Funn runs a funeral home in the village of Piffling Vale. It used to do rather well. It doesn't any more.
    Rudyard had been trying to be the victor of both love and commerce, all on his own terms. But he is running rapidly out of options and it all seems to boil down to a choice he hoped he'd never have to make: Chapman or Funn Funerals?
    But he'll strive into the unknown, battling against adversity in one last, desperate attempt at armistice. After all, with his precarious business already hovering on the brink of oblivion, even Rudyard can't make matters worse.
    Surely.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,912
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    40
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    257
  18. Tags
    Summary

    The last time Eric spotted Rudyard, it was clear that something was very, very off. It’s now been two weeks and Eric wants to get to the bottom of where he’s been.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,033
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    15
    Kudos:
    75
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    322
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Rudyard Funn runs a funeral home in the village of Piffling Vale. It used to be the only one. It isn't any more.

    Now, with even her brother subscribing to the licentious custom of pairing off, one woman still toils in her mortuary, alone and forever unloved. But today was the day she'd changed that forever. Because today was the day Antigone joined the ranks of libertines who seemed to run the island and got herself a date!

    What could possibly go wrong?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,883
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    39
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    334
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Georgie Crusoe and her chosen family were many things. One of the thing they were not is especially contented. This is how that changed.

    (Takes place immediately after season three final.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,982
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Comments:
    70
    Kudos:
    48
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    483

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