1 - 20 of 1221 Works in Episode: s15e18 Despair

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    Summary

    It’s nice not to feel sometimes. Maybe that’s why Cas doesn’t delve too deeply into figuring out what this absence of feeling must mean, because he secretly desires that cold, distant nothing feeling. The more likely reason is that Cas already knows what’s wrong with him. He’s not looking it in the face, not acknowledging the truth of it that sits heavily on his shoulders, pinning him to the earth with its undeniable presence.

    See, Jack brokered a deal wherein Cas gave the Empty his grace in exchange for a life back on earth and Cas was wiped clean of every angelic notion to the very dregs. And in its place, there is nothing.

    Cas is graceless. Cas is soulless.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    50,908
    Chapters:
    12/14
    Comments:
    97
    Kudos:
    230
    Bookmarks:
    53
    Hits:
    4080
  2. Tags
    Summary

    After Castiel is dragged away to the empty, Dean flees the bunker and everything he knows. He takes a job as a live-in ranch worker. For a while, it seems like a peaceful place to be alone with his thoughts and battle his demons, but the horror that has plagued him all his life is never far behind. What seeds that are sown over a smoky summer will soon be reaped.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,535
    Chapters:
    6/13
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    24
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    598
  3. Tags
    Summary

    It's been a year and Dean prays every day. Not to Cas. The idea of praying to Cas when he knows there's no chance of Cas hearing a word down in the empty is unbearable. Instead he prays to the new God.

    On the day Jack answers his prayers and visits, Dean gets more than he'd even hoped to pray for.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,560
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    40
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    384
  4. Tags
    Summary

    As the Empty comes for Castiel he sees a vision of what could never be

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    318
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    61
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Nearly a year after Cas' death, Dean finds himself, of all places, at an AA meeting.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,348
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    47
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    452
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Dean can't find sleep, even though he has Cas in his arms. But Cas knows how to help.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    506
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    93
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    466
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Dean confesses first.

    I'm discussing the conflicts brought up by canon (especially the overlooked aspects of Sam and Jack's experiences), confronting what it could actually mean to be trapped in a story made by a cruel and angry God, making an admittedly strange string of Lord of the Rings references, and poking at the fourth wall.

    Join me.

     

    FYI, tags and things might change as I post, because this is the first fic I'm posting here and I'm still pretty confused by how Ao3 works?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,101
    Chapters:
    3/9
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    8
    Hits:
    79
  8. Tags
    Summary

    The Yellow-Eyed Demon has vanished into the ether, along with the one weapon that could kill it for good. Dean miraculously recovers from the car crash that should have left him in a coma - or worse - and no one has heard from Cas in weeks. Reeling from the death of their father, Dean is caught between watching Sam develop his psychic powers and telling him terrible truth about them.

    When Cas reappears in their lives again, he comes with even stranger revelations no one can make heads or tails of. Between the mounting demonic omens and downright bizarre cases they find themselves on, Dean has the sinking feeling that things are going to get much, much worse.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    52,726
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    351
    Kudos:
    480
    Bookmarks:
    70
    Hits:
    6442
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Dean wasn't able to divulge much of anything to Sam, or Jack. He isn't sure what has him in the dark, in the Impala, driving to Sioux Falls. Somethin' in the back of his mind is telling him that he needs to talk to somebody, but of course the home that was Bobby isn't. Isn't a home, anymore. He could go, still; to the guy's resting place, but knows he won't.

    That isn't even it. He can't.

    Still doesn't think he's gotten over that. He probably won't, there are some things that just...stick.

    But he recalls being told who makes a mean plate of chowder and who'd be happy to talk. And ...well another one of the things that sticks, he knows he's got to see Claire and be the one to tell her, tell her what happened. Whether or not she'll care and how much.

    Dean has to do that. And maybe, hell. Maybe he can talk. Everything's different, right? Maybe he can explain about ...Cas. That he was good. Or at least, he tried. He wasn't a monster, not - not the way Dean is, he knows.

    (Or, Dean talks to Jody and more importantly, Claire and finds out not just about how she really feels but that, surprisingly, he deserves a chance to be happy too.

    But can he? Really and truly?)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,480
    Chapters:
    2/10
    Kudos:
    3
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    68
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Sam and Jack get Cas back from the Empty, but there's a piece of his memory that it demands to keep in exchange. Dean has thought a hundred times about what he would say if they got Cas back, but none of those imagined conversations ever covered this scenario.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,016
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    88
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    579
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Colin Robinson binge watches Supernatural and finds the SPN Tumblr community. He then drains Nadja, Nandor, Laszlo, and Guillermo by obsessively talking about SPN. Crack fic with a dash of actual emotion. Lots of references to SPN tumblr.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,183
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    25
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    114
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Aziraphale and Crowley are having a lovely happily ever after when they receive a desperate plea for help

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,310
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Comments:
    26
    Kudos:
    270
    Bookmarks:
    29
    Hits:
    2744
  13. Tags
    Summary

    The title says it all.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,292
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    6
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    186
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Dean wondered whether he would get bored with heaven eventually. The endless cycle of family cookouts and roadhouse game nights was easy happiness he was more than willing to settle for. And it’s not that heaven is perfect or even that good, but there is peace and after all the apocalypses prevented, Dean is just tired.
    But then the real Jack returns and Dean's hard earned peace is swept away by the chaos of a new war against the false god. Midst the fighting across all planes of existence, from Heaven to Hell, all Winchesters need to learn hard lessons about the family they want, and the family they need.
    All the while Dean desperately tries to get his truth out, because the words stuck in him are choking and he is pretty sure the silence is killing him all over again.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    46,085
    Chapters:
    6/10
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    16
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    738
  15. Tags
    Summary

    That night, his dreams are fuzzy, half-formed sensations of rocking a baby back and forth, humming quietly, with a warm and familiar presence hovering over his shoulder.
    It feels like a happy dream, but he jerks awake in the early morning sun as if it were a nightmare.

    ~~
    dean moves to the pacific northwest to start over.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,837
    Chapters:
    3/4
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    33
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    439
  16. Tags
    Summary

    A Poem from Dean's POV after Cas' Confession

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    167
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    25
  17. Tags
    Summary

    11 years ago, Castiel reached for Dean and dragged him out of hell.
    Now it’s Dean’s chance to return the favor- and finally tell his angel… everything.

    (I’m shit at summaries, dean saves cas bc fuck you)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,353
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    37
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    296
  18. Tags
    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    147
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    27
    Hits:
    42
  19. Tags
    Summary

    "Dean!"

    A brush of desperate fingers against sandpaper skin. It’s enough for the tears in his eyes to make a second appearance that night and, like before, he fights tooth and nail to keep them at bay. He won’t cry. He won’t break. He can’t. Not here. Not now. Not in front of him. How could he?

    Now that he knows, how could he?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,246
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    128
  20. Tags
    Summary

    dedicated to Misha Collins, who played Castiel beautifully for 12 years and ended up in one of the worst bury your gays stories of modern times
    love you buddy

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    478
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    43

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