1 - 20 of 600 Works in Edward Elric Swears

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    Summary

    Little Bruce falls down a well and bleeds into Gotham.
    He awakens a part of the dark city that it never knew it had.

    Ed doesn’t know how he's an eldritch sentient city with a hoarding problem, but he's got other things to think about. Like how his people are fucking awesome, this drunken and lost young lady, and a little boy who he'd love to shadow sometime.

    Pun intended.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,938
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Hits:
    0
  2. Tags
    Summary

    With a young subordinate who has the nerve to return early from a mission but remain late for his report, Roy Mustang will not hesitate to lecture Edward Elric—no matter how many excuses the kid tries to use. Roy has run out of lenience towards this behavior, and already has a nasty lecture prepared.

    …Until, of course, just like anything that involves the Fullmetal Alchemist: it doesn't exactly go as planned.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,407
    Chapters:
    1/3
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    27
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    107
  3. Tags
    Summary

    “Khalumet,” Aqael ponders one of these times, “Are we sinners, mahni?”

    Fedil pauses, looking up from his notes very briefly. He doesn’t really know how to answer. Yes, but no. How to explain their family’s complicated relationship with sin and alchemy in the time they had before Teacher got back?

    When he takes too long to respond, Aquel repeats in Amestrian, “Brother?”

    “To some people,” Ed eventually answers. “Would you rather we didn’t talk about Alchemy this way?”

    “...what language did Dad speak?” Al asks instead of answering, and Ed realizes he doesn’t know.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,707
    Chapters:
    2/3
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    15
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    105
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Roy stared at the ponytail in front of him. It had gotten longer over the years, grazing the middle of Ed’s back. In the light of the hallway, with the yellowed wallpaper peeling at the corners of the walls, Roy thought Ed’s hair could be made of spun golden thread.

    “You could have just stayed, you know.” They stopped walking, standing in front of Ed and Al’s dorm room. Ed went to reach for the door knob. “All the benefits would have just been another part of the position.”

    Ed’s smile disappeared, a grimace forming in its place as his hand fell on the handle.

    “And do what?” Ed turned and faced Mustang, who stood resolutely. “Become a dog again?"

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,904
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    55
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    915
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Instead of Roy Mustang, it is Solf J. Kimblee that goes to Resembool and discovers the Elric brothers. This, he claims, is the worst thing that has ever happened to him. After returning the philosopher's stone, that is.

    or:
    Maes Hughes manages to befriend Solf J. Kimblee and thus creates a major ripple effect in the plans of the homunculi.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    95,227
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    61
    Kudos:
    86
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    1609
  6. Tags
    Summary

    While on holiday, the Bonnet children disappear with a treasure map. It's up to the parents to find them. Perfect for family bonding!

    or

    Doug and Mary help Ed and Stede work through their post-season 1 relationship problems. Updated tags for smut. Surprise~~

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    39,470
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    54
    Kudos:
    265
    Bookmarks:
    50
    Hits:
    3920
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Ed gets caught in the rebound of a Human Transmutation and nearly dies as a result.

    Truth offers to save him, but will only do so by sending him back in time to his childhood.

    Because Truth wants back the Souls that disappeared with the Homunculi. And Ed is going to be the one to get them back, allowing him to fix the mistakes he made the first time around in the process.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    51,133
    Chapters:
    29/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    259
    Kudos:
    1026
    Bookmarks:
    319
    Hits:
    29104
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Edward Elric was dead. Like, fully dead. Heart no longer beating, massive blood loss, soul exiting this mortal plane, type of dead. However, that apparently wasn’t enough to make him stop existing. Ed just wants to rest goddamnit, but Truth is being a right bastard about the whole situation.

    ...

    Or, Ed dies, but unbeknownst to his friends and family, his soul sticks around. He makes do for several years — until an alchemist performs human transmutation to try and bring him back to life. The crazy thing is… it works.

    Sort of.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,802
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    121
    Bookmarks:
    33
    Hits:
    843
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Edward felt his throat burning as he choked, vomiting into the toilet bowl. This had been happening a lot lately, and it only seemed to be growing more and more frequent. He scowled down at the flowers that now filled the toilet.
    Hanahaki. He had fucking hanahaki. For someone he knew would never feel the same way.
    God, the world really seemed to have it out for Ed.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,110
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    53
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    401
  10. Tags
    Summary

    One of the hardest part of a parent’s job is the teenager years. Hormones running through the teen’s blood, trying to figure out who they are, developing crushes, becoming a child soldier. Becoming a child soldier?

    Honestly Roy just kinda wished that the least of his problems was getting Ed into a good college.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    54,915
    Chapters:
    20/?
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    177
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    5657
  11. Tags
    Summary

    M’staeng didn’t expect anything strange when Alphonse had asked him for pens and paper. He and Ed probably just wanted to write or draw or something, right? He’d see whatever it is they’d done when they finished, compliment it, and encourage their interests. That was part of being a good parent, right? Of course, his assumptions about their little project were nothing like the reality.
    Just what the hell was alchemy, anyway?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,008
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    115
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    549
  12. Tags
    Summary

    IT'S BACK! I'm sorry I took down the og its just there were some things I didn't like going for it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,222
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    159
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Edward Elric has a meltdown. Kimblee helps him through it.

    Or:
    Edward is overwhelmed by having to participate in a parade during a heatwave. Kimblee wants ice cream. They skip the parade. Fuck the police.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,833
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    205
  14. Tags
    Summary

    It was a normal mission. Dismantling fighting rings was routine for M'staeng at this point. What was not normal was getting himself captured on one of those missions, but that was fine. H'kye killing him when she inevitably rescued him scared him more than anything the Homn'cli could do to him. It wouldn't be too bad.
    Of course, he didn't expect for the Homn'cli to have captured a fucking human, much less make them his cellmate. Sharing a cage with a species considered death incarnate wasn't how M'staeng saw his imprisonment going.
    Death incarnate was...surprisingly small.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,003
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    78
    Kudos:
    445
    Bookmarks:
    106
    Hits:
    6183
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Ed had thought, after the whole Promised Day, homunculus, entire country harvested for alchemical batteries thing, the batshit quotient of his life would have settled down some. He really ought to have topped out the meter with that one. But no. The bullshit is just getting started.

    “Are you fucking kidding me,” Ed demands. “The wizards?”

     

    Podfic & Chinese translation available! See notes

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    249,534
    Chapters:
    84/?
    Comments:
    16337
    Kudos:
    14522
    Bookmarks:
    4498
    Hits:
    544939
  16. Tags
    Summary

    “It’s been a few years, dear Edward.”

    “Fuck you,” Ed spat, pointing a gloved finger at them, “What the fuck do you want?”

    ~~~~~

    Edward Elric was already having a really shitty day and he honestly didn't think it could get worse. That was, until he received a surprise visit from Truth and the life he had was uprooted from between his fingers.

    DISCONTINUED. LAST CHAPTER HAS PLOT OUTLINE/GENERAL INFO.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,476
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    20
    Kudos:
    87
    Bookmarks:
    19
    Hits:
    1435
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Truth has been around since time began, since the birth of the universe. It is infinite and all knowing. The punisher of those who would break the Laws of Existence and Alchemy. It is the Balance of the Universe.

    It has also become very bored.

    Or, Truth decides to take a vacation and thinks Edward Elric will make a sufficient substitute, and Ed does what Father couldn’t do by complete accident.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,457
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    139
    Bookmarks:
    31
    Hits:
    537
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Every dog needs its leash.

     

    Edward Elric is Neal Caffery

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,096
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    50
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    253
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Edward Elric had many regrets in life; Nina Tucker, Maes Hughes and the attempted human transmutation. But there were also things he didn't regret, giving up his alchemy and starting a family with Winry.

    So, yeah, he was doing pretty fucking amazing, thank you very much.

    And he certainly didn't need to accept any offer a certain no face white silhouette had to give him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    32,163
    Chapters:
    7/100
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    171
    Kudos:
    1191
    Bookmarks:
    387
    Hits:
    18660
  20. Tags
    Summary

    “What’s your deal?” Edward asked. “What do you want from me? Or do you want something from Hohenheim? Using me to get to him won’t work, y’know.”

    Ling’s head tilted to the side. “I don’t want anything. My ‘deal’ is that I want to be your friend.”

    “Bullshit.” Edward said. “There’s absolutely no way someone wants to get close to the 1st prince of Xerxes just ‘cuz.”

    “Except maybe the 12th prince of Xing.” Ling’s voice hovered just above a whisper. “The prince that knows how lonely being a prince can be.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,049
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    67
    Kudos:
    177
    Bookmarks:
    30
    Hits:
    2789

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