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  1. Tags
    Summary

    PSA: This is a crackfic. It's a parody/satire of the books, the current state of the world and fanfiction in general. It's all a joke and was written to entertain myself and others in quarantine because I figured people could use a laugh right now. While it pains me to have to write this, because I believe it spoils some of the fun, I want people to know ahead of time so that they can just enjoy it if it's their cup of tea and feel okay with going along on this absurd ride.

    Now, onto the actual summary:

    After enjoying a summer romance Harry Potter is excited to go back to Hogwarts, especially now that his nemesis Cedric Diggory is FINALLY out of the way! But just when Harry thinks he's got it made, a letter from Professor McGonagall and a worldwide pandemic changes everything.

    Now Harry has to somehow save the world from the virus AND choose between Dudley, Ron and Draco.

    It seems that being The Chosen One isn't all it's cracked up to be...

    Disclaimer: Obviously JK Rowling owns the rights to Harry Potter, and I am definitely NOT her.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    61,450
    Chapters:
    38/?
    Comments:
    41
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    2243
  2. Tags
    Summary

    The Lestrange twins return for their second year at Hogwarts, but much like their first year, things aren't about to go according to plan. How will they survive a conniving Albus Dumbledore, an obvious fraud of a Defense professor, and a legendary chamber that's said to contain a murderous beast?

    Second installment of the Parseltongue Twins series.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    64,954
    Chapters:
    15/?
    Comments:
    302
    Kudos:
    428
    Bookmarks:
    84
    Hits:
    10729
  3. Tags
    Summary

    The Sorting Hat has only been wrong once in its entire life.

    Rectify that mistake when it falls on Harry Potter's head in the Chamber of Secrets.

    Now, Harry must adjust to life in the snake's nest, while slowly realizing that he may or may not be one of them. Salazar Slytherin's blood burns in his veins, Gaunt's madness rises above Potter's courage and, inadvertently, he falls.

    Because madness is in the blood and no matter what they say, blood will always weigh more than water.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,663
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    122
    Bookmarks:
    23
    Hits:
    1739
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Tom Riddle has surprised the entire Wizarding world by taking a position at Borgin & Burkes. Hermione Granger, however, is not fooled. When a business deal causes Tom and Hermione to cross paths in 1948, they must find a way to navigate obstacles of pureblood society, dark magic, even darker secrets, and temptation. It is up to them to decide if these challenges are better to overcome together, or apart.

    This story uses characters from, but is not affiliated with, JK Rowling and the Harry Potter series. Warning: dark themes (some graphic), explicit sexual content, light angst and slow-burn. This is also an AU, in which Hermione Granger is a pureblooded witch living in Tom Riddle’s original timeline.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    94,331
    Chapters:
    10/?
    Comments:
    175
    Kudos:
    346
    Bookmarks:
    79
    Hits:
    6977
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Draco is dealing with becoming a Death Eater. Hermione wants to know what it feels like to be evil. What happens when they end up being the only ones there for each other? Will he change his path? Will she join him?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,694
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    24
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    381
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Their party was being hunted.

    It wasn’t a bear, it wasn’t a pack of wolves, nor a cougar or a bobcat.

    Something was hunting them.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,996
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    26
    Kudos:
    143
    Bookmarks:
    19
    Hits:
    2661
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Based off of the Tumblr Prompt of Dark Trio mixed with the typical Tomarry Time Travel Cliche

    Even with every eye in the Wizarding World on them, Harry, Hermione, and Ron slip around Hogwarts unseen. Their wands thrum with hidden remnants of dark magic and their smiles are sharp and bloodthirsty when no ones watching. They are powerful, they are driven, and they are just a touch too apathetic to other's pain.

    A mistranslated ritual sends them back in time, to where they would best succeed and flourish, and now Harry is building up his own inner circle and challenging Tom Riddle for the top spot in Slytherin. Rivaling groups threaten to split Slytherin apart as both leaders work towards a similar goal and catch the other's interest. But there's another war being waged beyond Slytherin's doors, and neither may be able to escape it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    79,717
    Chapters:
    23/35
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    511
    Kudos:
    4241
    Bookmarks:
    1406
    Hits:
    76560
  8. Tags
    Summary

    In their sixth year, there is something wrong with Hermione Granger, and it isn’t just an annotated potions book. Harry Potter makes it his mission to help his best friend in any way he can, and together, they end up entrenched in a mystery that spans not only their present world, but the future too, with their love being the thread that tethers them all.

    Can a love so deep and a devotion so extraordinary, really transcend time and space? And how does Harry's still dead family fit into all of this?

    Hermione knows their love can conquer it all and remake a better world, now she just needs to make him believe it.

    Harmony AU. Canon Divergence from the beginning of sixth year.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    104,000
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    154
    Kudos:
    422
    Bookmarks:
    75
    Hits:
    10953
  9. Tags
    Summary

    This is my version of the story. No nice Gryffindors, hardened Slytherins instead. A fourth member is added, Sirius Black's niece. Draco Malfoy isn't that big of a ferret and the twins might prove useful. Will the real villian come to play?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,772
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Kudos:
    1
    Hits:
    57
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Andromeda Black finds out there is no escape from family. Hermione Granger is brought along for the ride.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,835
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    16
    Kudos:
    142
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    2368
  11. Tags
    Summary

    8th Year Dramione - they get engaged in The Great Hall™ ...but is everything what it seems?

    No of course it's not, dipshit.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    54,274
    Chapters:
    17/18
    Comments:
    359
    Kudos:
    681
    Bookmarks:
    129
    Hits:
    20974
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Hermione Granger – her true identity now revealed – must convince the Death Eaters that she is, and always will be, loyal to them. Meanwhile, Draco Malfoy devises a strategy to expand his empire by invading the British government. However, neither of them is prepared for what will threaten their desires… or who will threaten them, rather.

    M for violence, language. Darkish Dramione. 1920s Muggle AU.

    Updated every Monday/Friday.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    24,369
    Chapters:
    2/10
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    919
  13. Tags
    Summary

    She loved him. And she loved him. And she loved him until it killed her.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,006
    Chapters:
    3/4
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    24
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    667
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Fate's done her part with handpicking the individual meant to be the Wizarding World's salvation. She's proud of how far her Chosen One has already come with only just being present for less than a year. It seems that, for once, the future is bright. Now, it's Magic's turn to lend a hand (and maybe Life and Death will play a part as well). Ashley Potter's journey is far from over, it's only just getting started.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    86,338
    Chapters:
    25/25
    Comments:
    33
    Kudos:
    219
    Bookmarks:
    54
    Hits:
    7256
  15. Tags
    Summary

    The Black Family Tapestry has never been wrong. It can't be Confunded, it can't be changed. So when Harry sees a double line of golden embroidery connecting a Bellatrix Black to Tom Marvolo Riddle, he's more than appropriately astonished. But then he sees the vertical line below them, connected to an Anubis Caedum Riddle, who was born in July 1980 and is Heir to the Blacks.

    AU where Bellatrix and Tom are happily married and they have a kid. Said child is kidnapped by Dumbledore in a last-ditch attempt to win the War and given to the Potters. That child is given the name Harry.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    58,285
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    57
    Kudos:
    420
    Bookmarks:
    143
    Hits:
    9115
  16. Tags
    Summary

    It was never a choice they wanted to make. It was a path they needed to walk.

    His heart, Her knowledge and His essence causing ripples in a future full of ghosts.

    Death can't help but be amused as three lives so tightly entwined bring chaos and change to the stagnant world of magic.

    or

    In a world without Harry, Hermione and Ron make a choice. In their favour, the powers that be listen.

    With a bit of help, the Golden trio that forms again is not exactly the same.

    (Cross posting on FF.net)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    67,675
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    30
    Kudos:
    185
    Bookmarks:
    73
    Hits:
    2757
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Hermione finds herself in an unfamiliar yet terribly familiar world with no way to return. With her mind still locked into combat, she had to try and blend into a world that she is entirely separate from. She has to convince Dumbledore to defeat Grindelwald, destroy Voldemort's horcruxes, and then kill the boy herself. None of the tasks are easy, and with her fractured mind and the world making it so difficult for her to simply rest, she finds herself at a standstill. If Tom would stop being so human, she would be nothing but glad.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,216
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    38
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    345
  18. Tags
    Summary

    The golden trio are back in the past. They have one objective: to save the wizarding world.
    However, there is one difference in them they are not the naive little pawns. They will take no shit from anyone, especially from dumbledore. watch out as the trio becomes a legend.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,428
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    82
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    2811
  19. Tags
    Summary

    An AU where Hermione grew up in an orphanage before entering Hogwarts.
    Hermione is the Dark Lord's daughter and will be on the path to darkness.

    I will try to give my own touch to it and hopefully it gets as much love as Dark is All that's Left! received over the year.

    Disclaimer applies to all chapters henceforth: This fanfiction is purely for non-profit and fun, all rights to canon characters and the HP universe belongs to JK Rowling. Also, this is purely a work of fiction and imagination. Events described in the fic resembling reality is merely a coincidence.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,094
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    58
    Kudos:
    58
    Bookmarks:
    20
    Hits:
    822
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Bellatrix takes good care of her toys, even when they're bleeding and growing fur where they ought not to.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    22,944
    Chapters:
    12/13
    Comments:
    89
    Kudos:
    460
    Bookmarks:
    52
    Hits:
    14650

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