1 - 20 of 289 Works in Crowley is Bad at Being a Demon (Good Omens)

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    READ THE TAGS FIRST
    In the time between the great Fall and Eden, the Great War between Heaven and Hell rages on, although Hell has an advantage that makes their victory inevitable. An angel and a demon are brought together by fate: prisoner and unwilling captor.

    Crawly re-learns what love is, and realizes that in order to protect Aziraphale he will need to betray Hell itself, even if it means losing status, titles, or possibly even his own life. Despite Aziraphale not wanting him to, Crawly devises a plan that will not only free Aziraphale, but forever change the direction of the Great War.

    Crawly finds that sometimes love means turning your back on both sides, and forming your own.

    Sometimes love means letting go.

    Art by Callus Ran
    (Story is complete, uploading a new chapter every Wednesday. 51k words)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    39,408
    Chapters:
    9/11
    Comments:
    81
    Kudos:
    77
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    1961
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Crowley starts seeing his angel form in the mirror. It starts as a walk-by glance and suddenly disappears. He doesn't know what to do with it, all of those memories were taken away, but they come back to him in pieces, digging up all sorts of things.

    Then God appears to him of all people. She says that she forgives him, that she had forgiven him long ago, and that she never stopped loving him. She says that he and Aziraphale are to be the protectors of Earth as they have been for her so far.

    Everything hurts, and nothing makes sense- so just another new millennia really.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,828
    Chapters:
    25/?
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    330
    Kudos:
    1143
    Bookmarks:
    225
    Hits:
    17693
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Aziraphale is, technically, a Principality. But he had been created a Cherub.

    It means eyes. Many eyes. Our angel doesn't need to turn around to watch his back.
    Which is a good thing, since watching one's back has become second nature for angels and demons since the Fall.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,734
    Chapters:
    7/8
    Comments:
    117
    Kudos:
    116
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    1406
  4. Tags
    Summary

    There are books missing from the library in the Abbey. A crime, Aziraphale suspects, that carries something much more serious underneath. He isn't expecting to deal with a demon summoned to kill him. He isn't expecting to find an ally in the oddest place.

    An ally, and something else.  

    “Okay, so. The thing is,” Crowley starts, shifting again in his spot, “uh, someone wants you dead.”

    Aziraphale blinks. “Pardon?”

    “Didn’t you hear me? Someone wants you dead. As in deceased. As in six-feet-under. As in–”

    “Alright, alright! That’s quite alright, thank you,” Aziraphale chokes out. “I still don’t see–” 

    Crowley heaves a sigh. “Listen, Angel.” He leans forward, elbows pressed against his knees, his hair falling around him like a curtain made of fire. He closes his eyes before continuing. “Truth is, someone summoned me to, er, to kill you, actually.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    36,583
    Chapters:
    7/8
    Collections:
    6
    Comments:
    508
    Kudos:
    584
    Bookmarks:
    123
    Hits:
    9717
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Three years have passed since the world didn't end and Azirpahale and Crowley are sharing a blissful life together. But life is just full of surprises. One stormy afternoon in winter, Aziraphale finds a homeless teenager asleep in his shop who has a whole laundry list of problems. One such problem leads the pair to take her in and help her get back on her feet, but who can say where life will lead them?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    129,904
    Chapters:
    40/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    542
    Kudos:
    341
    Bookmarks:
    53
    Hits:
    8886
  6. Tags
    Summary

    The apocalypse had been averted and everything was okay, until it wasn't anymore.

    Then Adam got a package and weird things started to happen and then Crowley got a phone call from the Dowling’s. They had fixed everything, what was going on?

    Heaven and Hell were up to something too. Sandalphon was hiding a secret and Ligur was back, but he certainly wasn’t telling the whole story of what had happened to him.

    Aziraphale just hoped this wouldn’t be Armageddon all over again, because it hadn’t been a year. That wasn’t enough.
    And also, because someone was getting dangerously close to figuring out their secret.

    Though in hindsight everyone was probably hiding something.

    There was a war on the horizon again, and if it came to pass, they would lose everything they had just gained.

    Someone else was pulling the strings, she was not God, but she was going to give all of them what they deserve.

    And when a Dragonfly appeared on the window of Aziraphale's Bookshop, it would already be too late to stop it.

    Something had happened in the year 1000AD, few remembered or knew about it at all, but the consequences were going to be horrific.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,037
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    6
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    74
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Crowley gets an unusual summoning… and a new pet/minion of chaos.

    Inspired by a meme: Ouija board rugs: it's all fun and games until the Roomba accidentally summons a demon...

    I'm sure you can all see where this is going. Anyhow this was intended as a one off short comedy, but then between me, CynSyn and several other Good Omens fan friends and my other half, we came up with so many more ridiculous shenanigans that Crowley, Aziraphale and Crowley's demonic hellspawn can get up to together that I decided to make this a weekly updated series. I'll add new chapters every other Tuesday until I run out of material.

    THERE IS *NO* END POINT TO THIS FIC, IT IS AN *ONGOING SERIES* SO FEEL FREE TO DIP IN!

    They'll be short chapters/vignettes easy to read while waiting for the bus/in your lunch break/before bed.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    100,279
    Chapters:
    53/?
    Comments:
    3720
    Kudos:
    1094
    Bookmarks:
    228
    Hits:
    28621
  8. Tags
    Summary

    God wanted something special for her angels. So, she created soulmates. Some were disappointed, but others were elated. However, Lucifer soon created trouble, and something had to be done. Angels had to fall and memories had to be altered, and the memory of soulmates had to cease to exist for all but the demons, because what's life as a demon without added punishment. What would this mean, however, for our favorite fidgety angel and newly emotionally constipated demon? What will life be like now that soulmates were no longer a thing except for in memory? How will they come together again? Why is Gabriel important!? Please, read along and find out!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,820
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    25
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    445
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Jesus keeps getting resurrected. That's what you get for being the son of god.
    Judas cannot die. That's what you get for betraying the son of god.
    They live for thousand of years, until Jesus wants a kid. So they adopt one.

    Who knew that they'd adopted, well, their own little adversary.

    Meanwhile, Crowley and Aziraphale are just trying to stop the apocalypse. Chaos ensues.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,827
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    27
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    235
  10. Tags
    Summary

    The Demon Crowley tries to tempt Priest Aziraphale with his wiles. And things don't go according to plan....

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,510
    Chapters:
    7/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    37
    Kudos:
    157
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    2646
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Crowley wakes up from pandemic nap with an itch that can only be scratched by stirring up some trouble. Luckily there's a ridiculously large cargo ship in Egypt just begging for some demonic interference!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,846
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    95
    Kudos:
    250
    Bookmarks:
    41
    Hits:
    1152
  12. Tags
    Summary

    17. Under Pressure
    Crowley was in a brothel and an orgy was well under way. The priests, judges, reputable businessmen Crowley had lured there had all found a partner, or several, and were thoroughly enjoying themselves. He had chosen the participants carefully, finding only those men who were well known for their unimpeachable reputations, and tempted them to this den of lust and excess. An orgy was always a good way to ensnare several souls at once, leading them off their righteous path and into the eventual torments of Hell. It wasn’t Crowley’s usual style, but he silently congratulated himself on a job badly done nonetheless and left them to their revelry.
    He stepped onto the street and immediately felt a sudden surge of divinity. He looked to his right and found a familiar angel wearing an even more familiar look of disapproval.
    “Hello, Aziraphale.” Crowley smiled.
    “Do you really think this is appropriate?” Aziraphale nodded to the brothel.
    “Course not. That’s the whole point.”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,273
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    34
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    180
  13. Tags
    Summary

    “And why should I believe you? You’re Satan! You got me kicked out of the garden!” Eve protested. She was finding it awkward to look down on the floor-dwelling creature. Then again, it was Satan, he deserved to be looked down on.

    The snake winced. “Sssssatan? Bit above my paygrade, that. Name’s Crawly. You don’t have to believe me, but I think it’ll be in your besssst interessst.”

    Eve scoffed. “And what do I have to give you in return, my soul?”

    Her question hung in the air awkwardly as she awaited a response. She realized Crawly wasn’t even paying attention to her, his gaze completely captured by the frozen angel in front of him. He shook his head slowly, not taking his eyes off the celestial being.

     
    Or: Before Crowley/Crawly and Aziraphale meet, the demon finds himself wanting to help Adam & Eve... and a certain angel.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,256
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    42
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    280
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Crowley does a good deed.
    Of course, a good deed is ALWAYS rewarded.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,789
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    69
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    350
  15. Tags
    Summary

    “Can you tell me something?”

    “Ngk.”

    The Son looked at him curiously. “Why do you speak as if you don’t know what it’s like to love?

    Crawly stared. “What?”

    “You heard me the first time. Why do you speak as if you don’t know what it’s like to love?”

     

    Or: Crawly was tasked to tempt The Son of God in the Wilderness. But when The Son started asking questions about a certain, 4,000-year-old acquaintance, Crawly becomes wary. He was a demon, incapable of love. And for Satan’s sake, he was the Tormentor, not the other way around. One-shot.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,312
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    66
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    284
  16. Tags
    Summary

    They had shifted from having the Great Plan guiding their lives to the Ineffable Plan which most of the time looked like having no plan at all. Lacking that structure left Aziraphale and Crowley somewhat adrift as to what their purpose was.

    Crowley comes up with a project they can both work on and plays to both their skill sets. And reminds them of some skills they'd almost forgotten they had.

    Involves a lot of fluff, general softness, flying, using bureaucracy for non-evil purposes, and learning to work together towards very human goals.

    Plus some exploring how their abilities are similar and different. You're from the same stock, but you're not the same.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    87,686
    Chapters:
    10/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    75
    Kudos:
    95
    Bookmarks:
    29
    Hits:
    2244
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Mientras buscaba a los insectos en la habitación, Ashtoreth divaga en sus pensamientos.

    Language:
    Español
    Words:
    820
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    2
    Hits:
    11
  18. Tags
    Summary

    A millennial demon with so many questions in their head, so curious, so eager to satisfy his thirst for knowledge, but without someone who can answer her thousand questions, because a demon cannot ask how God is, or why the world is like that, or how it feels to be loved... A demon cannot rebel.

    A priest with so many desires, so much desire to rebel against a world that is narrow to him, having to submit to the orders of the celestial hosts, yet he can do nothing... Imprisoned in that glass cage, Aziraphale must be silent and endure, because that's what a human does, that's what Gabriel and the others expect from him, and he can't rebel.

    Hell and Heaven have been at war for millennia, but it's precisely in the worst moments that the unexpected can arise. And you, what are you willing to fight for?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,472
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Kudos:
    10
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    231
  19. Tags
    Summary

    For Comment-Fic 100 Words on Firsts & Lasts theme, Any, any, "I swear, this is the last time!"

    I ... did not count the number of words, but it's pretty close to right...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    101
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    7
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    51
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Crowley choked on his coffee as he backread the chat from the comfort of his home

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    666
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    39
    Kudos:
    499
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    2564

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