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  1. Tags
    Summary

    A broken heart can be a dangerous weapon in the right hands.

    Nadja-centric. Nadja/Guillermo friendship, Guillermo/Nandor, Nadja/Laszlo in later chapters.

    ~ Dedicated to all the peasant girls out there. ~

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    28,864
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    109
    Kudos:
    83
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    1276
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Back in the cool night air, a few snowflakes were beginning to dust the sidewalk when he noticed a familiar smell wafting through the air. He found himself unconsciously following it, like some sort of ridiculous cartoon character. He couldn’t remember why it smelled so familiar but it did, and his curiosity got the better of him. He just had to know what it was. He followed the smell to a small bakery that he had never noticed before. 

    Memo’s Bakery, read the lit sign out front. 

    He pushed open the door. 

    _____

    Guillermo was beginning to pour the glaze over the Persian love cakes when the bell to his shop tinkled, alerting him to a customer’s entry. Shit, he must have forgotten to flip the sign over to “closed” again. He looked up, about to apologetically tell them that they were actually closed for the night, when the words caught in his throat and died before reaching his tongue. 

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,601
    Chapters:
    7/15
    Comments:
    148
    Kudos:
    185
    Bookmarks:
    30
    Hits:
    1617
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Guillermo and Nadja return to Staten Island for Vampiric Council business after 6 months away. But are they ready to go back and face everything (and everyone) that's there waiting for them?

    Writing my own start to season 4! Second chapter added to explore Nandor's POV! Third and final chapter just added with the conclusion!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,687
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Comments:
    27
    Kudos:
    159
    Bookmarks:
    18
    Hits:
    881
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Warning: This fic references some spoilers/leaks for season 4 of What We Do in the Shadows.

    Nandor discovers a lamp that houses a Djinn, in which he is given twenty-three wishes. He uses one to resurrect his long-dead thirty-seven wives. Out of all of them, Marwa remains. A wedding date is set, and Guillermo has realized that he is still in love with Nandor and decides to move back to England, in an effort to move on and begin a normal life. Things do not go as planned for either of them.

     

    Thank you to my beta-readers on Tumblr for their help.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,696
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    15
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    77
  5. Tags
    Summary

    The heatwave felt unending, though the weather man claimed that thunderstorms would roll in by the end of the week to break the spell. Until then the entire household would just have to suffer because Nandor and Laszlo were too cheap to get air conditioning.
    -
    It's hot and the residents of Staten Island's vampire household have had enough. In which the bing bongs break into their neighbors' pool.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,335
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    81
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    436
  6. Tags
    Summary

    “Vampiric transformations vary from person to person” Nadja said to the camera. She was sitting on the couch in the fancy room.

    “Or from vampire to vampire” commented Laszlo, sitting next to her. “There are different kinds. Mine was just the usual. My Nadja took my blood and gave me hers. All in all, it took mere hours. By the time my would-be lady-wife had to leave me to hide from the sun, it was already done and we shared a coffin in the morning”.
    --
    Of course, the whole Vampiric Council thing was a trap. It had been obvious in retrospect. And the fact that Guillermo hadn’t seen it coming from a mile away meant that spending so much time with the vampires was lowering his IQ.
    --
    Listen we need more Guillermo gets turned fics. I give you my humble attempt. Set somewhere in the middle of season 3.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,853
    Chapters:
    1/4
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    122
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Nandor the Relentless had 37 wives. He really loved 35 of them. This is the story of his relationship with just one of those wives.

    Andrakis is a semi-canonical wife of Nandor. She's mentioned in an FX promo video. We know that she had a really big . . . smile.

    **Chapter 23 Summary**
    Fate may want to keep Nandor and Andrakis apart, but the newly minted vampire doesn't listen, following her to her new home. From there he watches and waits, striking just at the right time. But fate has a flair for the dramatic, making Andrakis go into labor with no help around, forcing the pair to work together in order to safely bring their last child into the world.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    177,561
    Chapters:
    23/?
    Comments:
    46
    Kudos:
    58
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    2199
  8. Tags
    Summary

    “So, just to clarify,“ Guillermo said though gritted teeth. “My options are death or possible brain damage. The third option— the people I’ve come to think of as my family decide to trust me— is not on the table?”

    “No,” Nadja said sharply.

    “‘Fraid not, chap. Too risky.”

    Guillermo looked to Nandor. “Master?”

    Nandor held his chin high, even as his eyes wavered. “It is death or enthrallment, Guillermo. But we are letting you choose.”
    ~~~~~~~~~
    A season 3 canon divergence in which Guillermo has approximately 7% more self-respect and leaves the vampires in episode 1. He only goes as far as Ashley street, but it’s a start.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    83,432
    Chapters:
    17/24
    Comments:
    389
    Kudos:
    530
    Bookmarks:
    121
    Hits:
    7805
  9. Tags
    Summary

    It had been six months since Laszlo had abandoned his wife to England. Not for the first time, he'd ruined everything he had. Seems this was one time too many.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    984
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    21
  10. Tags
    Summary

    “It’s a party! To celebrate the day of your birth! It’s not everyday a familiar gets older.”

    “My…birthday? But I-”

    “He’s so shy, this little familiar of ours! We insist on celebrating you Guillermo, we won’t take no for an answer.” Nandor pokes Guillermo’s tummy.

    “We got everything traditional for an American birthday, we studied the birthday episodes of Friends very carefully.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,737
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    20
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    111
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Guillermo is locked in a coffin. Nandor thinks he's been abandoned. Laszlo has taken on responsibility that means he is no longer fucking or sucking. And of course, Nadja is not pleased with any of it. Scattered across the globe, they're forced to confront their personal damage, and figure out how to move forward.

    A season 4/hiatus fic, where every chapter is inspired by a song/lyrics by The Mountain Goats. You do not have to know anything about the Mountain Goats to understand this fic.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    57,504
    Chapters:
    27/?
    Comments:
    257
    Kudos:
    320
    Bookmarks:
    54
    Hits:
    6217
  12. Tags
    Summary

    The crew finds out how the household feels about Dracula Daily.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    725
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    13
    Hits:
    52
  13. Tags
    Summary


    So, choosing the right victim had never been just about taste. The realization struck her with the force of a freight train. Suddenly it all made sense, her seemingly random stomach upsets - they were rare, but they had always come afterdraining some depressed human. How could she have been so stupid as to miss such an obvious connection?

    Sad victims don't sit well with Nadja.

    Five times that she suffers the consequences of draining a miserable human, and one time someone else does.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    944
    Chapters:
    1/6
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    7
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    45
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Laszlo has been keeping something from his housemates, one that causes a rift between his wife, Nadja. Unbeknownst to his housemates, Nandor also has a secret, and his is not so nice.

    This story is kind of a dark and serious take on a silly and lighthearted show. There's not going to be a lot of humor in this, so if that's what you're looking for, it's not here.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    44,742
    Chapters:
    12/?
    Comments:
    21
    Kudos:
    27
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    875
  15. Tags
    Summary

    attheborder’s original summary: After an argument with Laszlo and a trip to Target, Nadja gets taught a lesson by a local witch.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Kudos:
    1
    Hits:
    23
  16. Tags
    Summary

    "Yes, well… I remember Nandor as well. And I also remember you saying, very clearly, that you would like to never speak to him again. Or see him. Or sit next to him or acknowledge him or think about him on account of him being a—what was it...? Ah, yes, a big stupid shit-dumb idiot man."

    "Yep. I remember that, too."

    "Yes, well. About that—"

     

    When preparing for Nadja’s wedding, a heart to heart with his soon to be married mistress reveals to Guillermo that among the guests arriving is Nandor the Relentless; his former housemate and master, with whom he seems to share an undisclosed and tumultuous romantic history. Guillermo must find a way to keep his own feelings in check when faced with his greatest regret–and a clumsy but well-meaning madcap matchmaking scheme–and make sure his new mistress’ wedding goes to plan in the meantime; no easy feat where his vampires are concerned.

    Will Nadja and Laszlo be happily married at long last? Will Nandor and Guillermo find their happiness in the process? Or will uninvited guests, an abundance of pride and a bloody big curse lay waste to the best laid plans?

    Much Ado About Nothing, the WWDITS version.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,518
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    30
    Kudos:
    48
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    478
  17. Tags
    Summary

    “You’re the new blacksmith, right?” The baker says, stepping back behind the counter. Nandor dumbly follows him, watches rapt as he leans on an elbow, face turning in his palm. Coy.

    “Yes. You stopped by last week, I remember.” Nandor fumbles with his hands, looking around the little cafe. There’s barely anyone here. They can talk.

    “What did you think?”

    -------

    A new blacksmith comes to the pier, and Guillermo doesn't know what to do with himself. They take up a whirlwind situationship that gets complicated when he finds out the man is a vampire. Maybe it would be easier if Guillermo didn't want to be one so bad. Maybe it would be easier if Nandor didn't hate himself.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    80,524
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    333
    Kudos:
    223
    Bookmarks:
    45
    Hits:
    4085
  18. Tags
    Summary

    While staying at the Staten Island house, Anton and Viago finally have their first date. If they can get out of the house.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,287
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    73
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    450
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Guillermo had been so frozen since the moment the dancer walked out on stage he thought there was a chance he might be dead. Were there vampires in the afterlife? Surely not. It was like the man had walked directly out of his most secret fantasies. As each item of clothing came off, Guillermo felt something ratchet up inside him. When he ripped his shirt off Guillermo began to get genuinely concerned that he would come in his pants surrounded by half the staff of Panera Bread.
    ---
    At some point in the 90s, Nandor took up stripping as a hobby, so he and Guillermo meet slightly differently.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,915
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Comments:
    128
    Kudos:
    188
    Bookmarks:
    22
    Hits:
    2536
  20. Tags
    Summary

    “Well, I too am happy for you, Guillermo,” Nandor interrupted with a wide smile. “You’ve been so lonely for so long–”

    “I mean, I wouldn’t say that–”

    “And now Freddie filled that void with his penis. That’s wonderful for you.” Nandor was still smiling as he got to his feet. “Anyone hungry? Guillermo, would you mind using your telephone to do a Doordash? I’d like to kill a delivery boy right about now.”

    or; Guillermo gets in a new relationship while he and Nadja are in London. Nandor takes it almost too well for his liking.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,867
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    154
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    683

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