1 - 20 of 841 Works in Charles Foster Offdensen

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    With General Crozier's military goons closing in from all sides and hostages taken, Dethklok and company are forced into conflict and combat with their enemies. Their morale is low, their resources few, and all hope to return to their boring multi-trillionaire lifestyles seems slim... until help arrives in the most unusual of ways. The stakes are high! The danger is looming! And one of our heroes will pay the ultimate price... It's the thrilling conclusion of Dethkomic - The 'komic you're pretty sure that girl from your old college is reblogging on Tumblr every other month!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    0
    Chapters:
    2/5
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    10
    Hits:
    74
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Pickles woke in a plush but nondescript hotel room to the sound of his own voice from the other side of the wall.

    What kind of arrogant prick fucked to their own music? Tony, apparently.

    With a roll of his eyes, Pickles disentangled himself from the two pretty blondes cuddled against him. He couldn't remember their names. Had he asked? He doubted it. Why bother? Within half an hour, he'd forget their names and faces and everything else.

     

    They were known as Snakes N' Barrels, a tough group of rock thugs from the wrong side of the tracks, with a ravenous madman at the forefront, a man simply known as Pickles. This is their story.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,238
    Chapters:
    6/8
    Comments:
    21
    Kudos:
    44
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    114
  3. Tags
    Summary

    I know I said I wasn't gonna do it again but then I re-read the parody I had done for Mettaton years back and well... Could not even begin to resist... I mean this song is just so fitting, I just can't even lol

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    281
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Hits:
    10
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Dahlia Birkett (Dolly Macabre) is no stranger to the world of music or to Pickles. They grew up together in Tomahawk and saw each other through some real difficult shit. After they both leave Wisconsin and start their lives in LA the unexpected happens and Dolly needs to go back home. They don't hear from each other for years. The drummer of the now world famous Dethklok is in for quite a shock when Dolly shows up at Mordhaus. She ends up being just what the band (and poor overworked Charles) needs in a pinch.
    AU where Charles is still manager post Doomstar Requiem cause it would kill me not to write him lol.

    DISCLAIMER: I do not own Metalocalypse or it's characters. I do not own any lyrics used in this story either.

    I've loved Metalocalypse since I was 13 years old. I am now 28 and finally writing a fan fic for all the ideas I've had over the years. Go easy on me though. I'm no professional author or anything. I like to think that since I'm from Wisconsin I will nail Pickles' and Dahlia's accents (and Dahlia's isn't nearly as heavy as Pickles') but I'm going to have quite the challenge with the rest of them besides Nathan. I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoy getting it down on paper

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    45,818
    Chapters:
    22/?
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    8
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    214
  5. Tags
    Summary

    "You need to relax. You're sounding crazy."

    Magnus expected to die. Instead, he's given another chance.

    After the events of Doomstar Requiem, Magnus somehow finds himself reliving his past.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    121,691
    Chapters:
    15/?
    Comments:
    53
    Kudos:
    57
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    830
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Ghosts of Toki’s past have always haunted him. This may be the worst yet. Charles gets a call from some authorities in Norway and Toki must reckon with impulsive teenage choices. The ways he handles his guilt threaten to tear the band apart. Along the way, we learn the story of how Toki arrived in America. His journey’s grim origins are beyond even Dethklok’s capacity to comprehend.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,127
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    6
    Hits:
    50
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Dethklok joined the Squid Games. This is how they won.

    ---
    Absolute shitposting that made me laugh that has been in my files for over a year.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    862
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    6
    Hits:
    26
  8. Tags
    Summary

    A new deathmetal band called The Excommunicated has climbed the ranks, following closely behind the ever-loved Dethklok and gaining traction with each step. Rather than eliminate the rivalry, (as their 'robotic' manager Charles Ofdensen would probably normally do), he invites them to the ultimate deathmetal collab between the two bands.

    However, once the other band actually steps foot into Mordhaus, all plans for the album quickly crumble, as drama arises, love quarrels erupt, competition stirs, bodies of loved ones drop one by one, and everyone always seems to know more of one thing or another, than they actually let on. As well as finding themselves in strange dream-states, noticing rapid weather changes, combating against old enemies with a vengeance, and having a sense of old familiarity between the members of the two bands, whom they hadn't met before then... supposedly; not to mention a traitor living among them. Not everything is as it seems, but they need to figure it all out fast because the pressure of impending doom is hanging over everyone's heads.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    176,345
    Chapters:
    19/?
    Kudos:
    17
    Hits:
    476
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Toki decides to compete to be the World’s Fittest Man after he accidentally breaks the previous world record for the heaviest bench press. Toki temporarily
    abandons his guitar duties, Skwisgaar gets revenge, Murderface pursues his own sports dream, and the rest of Dethklok is left picking up the pieces.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,841
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    131
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Magnus sends Charles a gift basket for his birthday with no ulterior motive.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,176
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    9
    Hits:
    50
  11. Tags
    Summary

    A series of explicit one shots from tumblr. Pairings will be included in the titles, and relating tags in the chapter summaries.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,522
    Chapters:
    12/?
    Comments:
    49
    Kudos:
    61
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    1545
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Nathan gets help from Charles in the recording studio.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,747
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    17
    Hits:
    75
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Pickles downed his drink with a great sigh, saying, "Been way too long."

    "Since you've had whiskey?" St. Cecilia asked, laughing when he shot her a deadpan look. The sound was like fire, warm and bright and blazing through him. He'd have blisters when they parted, he was sure of it. They'd hurt like hell.

    "Since we seen each other," he said, feeling raw and vulnerable. Fucking gay, he scolded himself. He was the most famous drummer in the world, he had a different girl in his bed every night, why did this one make him so nervous? It was fucking ridiculous.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,872
    Chapters:
    31/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    75
    Kudos:
    16
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    372
  14. Tags
    Summary

    This story has been living in my brain rent-free for almost ten years. It’s special to me because Metalocalypse was literally my introduction to fandom. So, I’m finally giving in and writing the damn thing, because why not?

    An attempt at a satisfactory reconciliation between Magnus and Dethklok post-Doomstar. Kind of a character study. Eventual Hammertooth.

     

    This will contain a lot of canon-typical gruesomeness, canon-typical substance abuse, and some very canon-atypical self-awareness. Also some horny shit, because come on.

    I tagged for rape/non-con just to be safe, but it is only referenced/implied and non-explicit.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    67,138
    Chapters:
    12/17
    Comments:
    38
    Kudos:
    73
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    452
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Skwisgaar wants to ballroom dance. Toki on the other hand wants to swing dance and make the night as memorable as possible.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,326
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    9
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    82
  16. Tags
    Summary

    The frontman often thinks about how Pickles avoids his own space, following Nathan to his room of high windows, until the redhead retreats to his own place every other week. For a while Nathan jokes about Pickles being a vampire, as trashy as the ones of that movie Skwisgaar and Murderface seem to enjoy way too much, but the older man just dismisses the joke and tends to distract him with that mouth (and hands) of his.
    Nathan may not ask him, may not say it, but he worries. Oh, what would he give to catch a glimpse of what happens inside the redhead’s mind.

     

    Or how sometimes weed can make you have THE trip of your life when you your life as a movie, and how almost every relationship you've had has been a gun to your head... until you find them.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,972
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    29
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Magnus and Charles: before the band, before the prophecies, before the sacrifices.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    210,240
    Chapters:
    36/58
    Comments:
    94
    Kudos:
    50
    Bookmarks:
    9
    Hits:
    1625
  18. Tags
    Summary

    This is a tale, of cruelty, religion, friendship, kindness, love, and heartache.

    Inspired by the musical and Disney movie of the hunchback of Notre Dame.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,409
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    24
  19. Tags
    Summary

    “Slowly,” Charles cautioned. He kept one hand on him for the moment to make sure that Nathan didn’t ignore him and try to jump to his feet. “There was. . . .” He trailed off, frowning. The gold powder had settled on them, all over everything within a few feet of the envelope, but he didn’t see any trace of it now. Not on either of their skin or clothes—he leaned in close to stare intently at Nathan’s hair, rubbing a lock of it in between his fingers to see if there was any sort of residue. “There was something in that envelope, but it seems to be gone now. Must have been some sort of, ah, prank or something.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,866
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    30
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    234
  20. Tags
    Summary

    A self indulgent, self insert fic, consisting of a relationship with Toki Wartooth

    A meet-cute at a barcade turns into something more <3

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,461
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    18

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