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  1. Tags
    Summary

    A collection of spicy one-shots and drabbles, as the title suggests. Mostly BOTW Link/Zelda, though I hope to expand into other games and pairings. Is there something you'd like to see me write? Send me an ask at my Tumblr: itcantbe.tumblr.com. (I do have anon turned on if that makes you more comfortable.) I can't guarantee anything, but I'll certainly try! Not restricted to BOTW zelink, though pairings and themes are at my discretion, of course. I'll update the tags as I go along.

    Update 1/3/22: This was started as an attempt at Kinktober 2021, but I wasn't able to complete that and was starting to feel restricted by it so I gave it up.

    Most of these are rated E though some are more M
    (thank you to @wwwhttps for the title)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    30,064
    Chapters:
    18/?
    Comments:
    117
    Kudos:
    256
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    12436
  2. Tags
    Summary

    One drunken night during the summer after Harry’s third year Sirius declares he’d be a better headmaster then Dumbledore. Emboldened by Remus telling him it is unlikely he successfully becomes headmaster. Now with the help of Remus he’ll mold the school into the perfect place for young boys to learn the importance of homosexuality, potentially dark magic, but most importantly they’ll learn why Sirius is top dog.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,039
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    8
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    136
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Drabbles for Low Down And Dirty that didn’t fit in the story. At least three total are planned: Boot Humping, Watersports, and tattooing.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    493
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    6
    Hits:
    103
  4. Tags
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,555
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Kudos:
    11
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    1077
  5. Tags
    Summary

    The mother of the twin heirs to Celestia’s throne perished in childbed. Soon after they were born, one of the twins was promised to Rex Lapis (a Teyvatan deity, the Dragon King of Liyue and High King of Teyvat) as a spouse, to foster an alliance between Celestia and Teyvat, and to consolidate power in the face of growing threats from the Abyss Order, as well as the expansionist Tsaritsa and her scheming Harbingers. By all accounts, Rex Lapis is wise, benevolent, and unerringly just. But it is also said that he is hard-hearted, and incapable of love. Many years have passed since the contract was made. Princess Lumine has been abducted and slain by the Lord of the Abyss. Prince Aether's father, the Celestial King, forbade him looking into his sister's death, not wanting to lose both children. But Aether has just come of age and is sent to Teyvat, to become the spouse of this Dragon King. Perhaps now he will be able to discover the truth of what happened to his sister.

     

    READ THIS NOTE: This fic has multiple ships. Other relationship tags will be added as they come up, which they will. Pay attention to the tags. I believe I have handled the subject matter respectfully, but please proceed with caution.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    157,827
    Chapters:
    24/?
    Comments:
    256
    Kudos:
    705
    Bookmarks:
    88
    Hits:
    22469
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Lore gets Data involved in the games you play — if only because he's going to be busy the next couple of days and needs someone to feed his pet the way he deems appropriate.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,235
    Chapters:
    1/3
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    35
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Selina is back in town and there's nothing Batman likes more than looking at her.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,240
    Chapters:
    2/3
    Comments:
    39
    Kudos:
    211
    Bookmarks:
    45
    Hits:
    2428
  8. Tags
    Summary

    After her experiences in The Divide and learning about her role in its destruction Courier Six searches for meaning and penance in Zion. Joshua Graham is not what she expected and she questions his true motives, pushing him to reveal his worst self.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,731
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    8
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    95
  9. Tags
    Summary

    “You called for me, Blackbeard?” Izzy says gruffly, staunchly refusing to look at Bonnet.

    Ed nods, gesturing him in closer. “Yeah. Stede’s going to join us for one of our sessions.” He doesn’t ask if it’s okay, and Izzy doesn’t voice his complaint. He doesn’t like that Bonnet’s going to be present, but he doesn’t serve Blackbeard to question him. He nods.

    “On your knees, over here,” Ed says.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,027
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    228
    Bookmarks:
    26
    Hits:
    1401
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Saw the visual for cracker island anddd…LORD HAVE MERCY LOOL

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,218
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    15
    Hits:
    334
  11. Tags
    Summary

    At the top of Hermione Granger’s to do list is finding whoever is responsible for her and Draco Malfoy’s forced ten-hour after-hours proximity of three days past, a close second is finding how he keeps sending messages to her office in the completely melodramatic vein of: ‘Granger, I need you’ and ‘Granger, I’m dying.’ Third is to simultaneously quell an urge for self-destruction while avoiding the desire to turn herself in for immediate censure following mate-biting Draco Malfoy, much to his physical dis(pleasure) and her chagrin.

    The sequel to ‘Something in the Water’ picks up right where it left off, with a few additions.

    Clog wearing ministry elves, inappropriate use of first edition copies of Hogwarts A History, pureblood sex magic of ye olde past wreaking havoc on the young scions of besmirched ancient names, unamused catgirl-in-spirit Hermione Granger ruining perfectly good, blameless, high quality, high thread count bedding, supply line disruptions as a matchmaking device, interdepartmental cooperation of the sexy kind, more than few examples of werewolf frenemies who can smell what the plot has been cooking

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    104,607
    Chapters:
    8/30
    Comments:
    76
    Kudos:
    257
    Bookmarks:
    124
    Hits:
    13405
  12. Tags
    Summary

    When Jamie Tartt gets a midnight call from the Manchester Municipal Police, he expects to post bail for his father again. What he finds is something quite different.

    Or, Jamie Tartt discovers a thirteen-year-old half-brother no one ever warned him about. Luckily, Roy and Keeley are there to help them out.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    397,475
    Chapters:
    64/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    8531
    Kudos:
    559
    Bookmarks:
    69
    Hits:
    26798
  13. Tags
    Summary

    When Tony asked peter if he wanted to be an avenger, he couldn’t resist saying yes. However, Peter didn’t realise what he truly meant by becoming an avenger.

    AU where Peter is a sex slave to be used by the avengers

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,839
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    74
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    5325
  14. Tags
    Summary

    When Joker makes a threat against the Ba family, Bruce finds himself pleading with the madman to spare them. In a surprise twist, the madman grants his request and lets them live...however in doing so...it awakens something in bruce that he can't get out of his head...something that is drawing him to the Clown Prince of Crime...something that makes him willing to do whatever the villain asks of him.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    35,126
    Chapters:
    17/?
    Comments:
    62
    Kudos:
    371
    Bookmarks:
    41
    Hits:
    10607
  15. Tags
    Summary

    He felt his feet leave the ground, gravity seemingly nonexistent as his stomach lurched again, frantically fighting the unforeseen force dragging him into the air. Even though he was only hovering a couple inches off the ground, maybe a foot at most, Wilbur was terrified.

    All he could think about was the paralysing fear that was coursing through him, head pounding with added pressure as he was lifted higher and higher into the light.

     

    Or, Wilbur is abducted by aliens to be their pet.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    67,592
    Chapters:
    13/20
    Comments:
    207
    Kudos:
    1254
    Bookmarks:
    108
    Hits:
    44543
  16. Tags
    Summary

    A few weeks after last parts events.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    744
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    78
  17. Tags
    Summary

    We know the stories of Cinder Fall, May Marigold, Marrow Amin, and Winter Schnee.
    But this isn't their story. Not as we know it.
    This is the story of a timeline where everything shifted, slightly. Where they all attended Atlas Academy, for better or for worse. Where their roles get shifted around.

    AKA, a Canon-divergence AU in which our favorite Atlesians are put through an emotionally draining development, scattering where they end up by the time team RWBY is formed. May/Winter/Cinder role-swap concept, and I threw Marrow in because I really like him. This will be depressing as hell, and it will segue into a fic about team RWBY, in this mirror world. Each character's past is changed slightly, but enough to make a difference.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    503,726
    Chapters:
    53/?
    Comments:
    324
    Kudos:
    65
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    4787
  18. Tags
    Summary

    "What did I tell you about being punctual to these little appointments?", Spriggs inquires, in the same artificially bored tone he weaponizes when duty owing remains owed.
    "Got a fuckin' ship to run.", says Izzy.
    "And I've got dicks to sketch, Jizzy.", Spriggs echoes. "So get down, we're on a schedule."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,822
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    63
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    573
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Blackbeard crouched down in front of him, that stupid bright sunshine face still the fucking same, eyes wide and round, as if he had no idea of the monster in front of him. As if he had nothing to be fucking afraid of. Stupid fucking idiot. He brought up his knife, the tip of it pressing under the bastard’s chin, tipping his head up.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,276
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    108
    Kudos:
    512
    Bookmarks:
    113
    Hits:
    2175
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Having lucid dream is amazing ! It is a dream after all, right ?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    42,746
    Chapters:
    21/?
    Comments:
    447
    Kudos:
    773
    Bookmarks:
    82
    Hits:
    23180

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