1 - 20 of 2983 Works in Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    "Flamin' Hot" - that was the order of the hour, a marijuana appetite enticed to the most resolutely disgusting of snack foods, little "cheese" "puffs" acquired from his brother's illicit stash of goods. Illicit in a sense other than illegal, which could not be articulated in the human tongue, but, nevertheless, was distinctly illicit if you asked Dave. Something about them was just explicitly illegal, disallowed, foreboden by their very nature as snack items hidden under the sink. He would have to burn some of his allowance money to replace them, but oh, oh God, was it worth it just for today, to steal a bite of that forbidden crunch, the sacred munch, fulfilling every need of mankind with little more than extreme hot cheese flavors.

    137/365

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    670
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    1
    Hits:
    5
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Just Roxy and Dave rambling about soap operas apparently.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,212
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    11
    Hits:
    51
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Cronus finds himself in the Alternia Medical Hospital after a late-night motorcycle accident. He wakes up being tended to by Kankri, the friendly if not a little shy, nurse.

    This takes place on Earth in an AU, the specifics of which will be revealed throughout the story.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,054
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    11
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    214
  4. Tags
    Summary

    "...And then you pour hot water on it, right?" Dave replied, gently tipping the hot teakettle over the leaves in his cup, letting it fill up with steaming, boiling water. Yes, the water did indeed take on an amber color rather quickly, filling the room with a faint, earthy aroma. Dave looked at the dainty little teacup sitting on the round table in Rose's living room and reached out to grab it, before recoiling from the heat radiating through the porcelain like licking flames, biting at his fingertips. "Wah lah. Hot leaf juice."

    136/365

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    620
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    7
    Hits:
    21
  5. Tags
    Summary

    A President and a comedian-turned-Rebellion-leader walk into a bar. Well, not a bar, but it's the President's office. And the President is the only one doing any walking in. It's unclear what the Rebellion leader is actually doing there or how he got in, but if this is a specific joke, there better be one hell of a punchline.

    Entry for the DirkJohn Big Bang 2020, updates on Sundays.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    208,400
    Chapters:
    26/30
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    146
    Kudos:
    122
    Bookmarks:
    18
    Hits:
    4010
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Dave Strider lives with his three other roommates, Sollux, Karkat and John. One day, due to being sleep deprived and stressed to hell, Dave decides to message John on an anonymous account. Dave was hoping to get his feelings out of his system, but this only serves to make shit worse. Sparking a chain of events that spiral Dave further and further down a hole of stress and anguish as John seeks to find out which one of them sent the message, all while Dave drags his other roommates into the fray.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    210,461
    Chapters:
    51/?
    Comments:
    106
    Kudos:
    334
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    5660
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Tavros's bedroom floor was a strange and wondrous land, typically dominated by any dizzying array of stuffed animals and various game objects and, on occasion, a very excited borzoi. Today, the borzoi, Horsearoni, was asleep comfortably on Tavros's bed, nestled into some of Tavros's typical sleeping arrangements and accoutrements while Dirk and Tavros played on the floor. A large collection of colorful playing cards in an array of purple and red shades, stacked one on one on top of each other into tall, towering decks.

    135/365

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    626
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    18
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Oh god.

    You hadn't realized you'd said it out loud. But hey,
    we all make mistakes when we're getting railed. You think.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,764
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Kudos:
    7
    Hits:
    194
  9. Tags
    Summary

    She knew a couple of facts about this species, she had seen news reports but deliberately hid herself away from pictures when she received her invitation to become a diplomat. To an outsider, they sounded fairly demonic, which is why it presented no surprise that the remaining dregs of Evangelical Christianity that had not adapted to the interstellar age were caught in an uproar about the whole scenario, but to Rose? An endless hall of fascination. Grey skin, fire-colored horns, yellow eyes. The basic body plan of a humanoid (what an incredibly strange coincidence), but any other xenobiological details she kept herself in the dark about.

    Didn't want to spoil the surprise, after all. She had, of course, received a dossier and read precisely none of it. When the elevator doors slid open, that was when she allowed herself the sight for the first time.

    Alternians. What an odd choice of name.

    [Updates every Wednesday-Ish]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    23,150
    Chapters:
    15/?
    Comments:
    23
    Kudos:
    111
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    2565
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Hollywood had it wrong. The end of the world can be a slow thing. It never happens all at once.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,858
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    52
    Kudos:
    111
    Bookmarks:
    21
    Hits:
    873
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Jade Harley is one of the last remaining humans in the universe.
    Due to her keen mind and knowledge of biology, the Empire of Her Imperious Condescension has deemed her existence to be valuable. Granted only a small amount of freedom, she's trapped unhappily in an existence filled with toil and loneliness, cut off from any chance to form a meaningful connection.
    When a request for her services is sent from a distant outpost, the Empire elects to send her there with an escort who's required to watch her 24/7.
    Having someone by her side is an opportunity she's never gotten before and isn't letting go of, but as with most things concerning Vriska Serket not everything will go according to plan.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,196
    Chapters:
    5/10
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    8
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    104
  12. Tags
    Summary

    A Christmas day in the Lalonde household was never uneventful despite a couple of very important mitigating factors. For one, all the Lalondes were as Jewish as latke, or perhaps as Jewish as the very torah itself, depending on which tortured metaphor you'd like to put through its paces. Two, all the Lalondes consistently spent Christmas at Rose's Mom's house, the manor deep in a national park, which made getting Chinese takeout a perilous operation. No UberEats or Grubhub driver would drive out this far no matter how much of Mom's immense fortune they offered as tip - the app simply wouldn't allow it. There wasn't a single speck of Christmas pine tree in the entire house, not a single speck of holly-jolly joy, but there was a large bush dragged in from the inside decorated with old yellowing paper cutouts of Herschel, the Hannukkah Goblin.

    134/365

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    671
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    25
  13. Tags
    Summary

    A gargantuan computer station put together with the aid of people much smarter than him in the realm of computers several weeks ago, and here Eridan was, sitting in on a weekend, preparing to play old video games instead of preparing to do homework, as he probably should be. Would his father yell at him for this egregious waste of time? Almost certainly, but then he wouldn't have the opportunity to enjoy this lightning-slick first person shooter experience that was bragged about by his more gaming-inclined of fellows. It hummed to life with ostentatious RGB lights glowing in a dizzying array of rainbow patterns, glazing over Eridan's mute, blank face, who had seen this light show a dozen times before.

    133/365

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    755
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    29
  14. Tags
    Summary

    The computer monitor in Dave's bedroom played a movie on Putlockers, every baby pirate's favorite movie theft website. It was Eraserhead, playing silently, with no audience to watch it, the auteur-child and the baker-child having both fallen asleep mid-marathon, unable to keep their eyes open above the surface of wakefulness. Eventually, the ocean of slumber came for everyone, even if you were watching as many David Lynch films as you could find and cram into your sixteen-your-old-skull at the time. Dave was very strongly convinced that movie piracy was a victimless crime, and, well, I'm certainly not going to contradict him in this narration.

    132/365

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    721
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    11
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Jane had control of the radio today - she and her Dad alternated on and off - and that meant that the old, busted boombox from her father's childhood was attuned to the local 80s top pop hits station. It had been retrofitted severely by her father's skillful hand, bluetooth receiver, Sirius XM Radio that they never used because the subscription lapsed, new internals, all the bells and whistles that could be accomplished without ruining its tinny, creaky sound. "Take... on... me...!" Jane sung quietly under her breath in her best choir girl voice, making sure she was keeping sharp in the off-season where school was no longer a necessity due to days off. Gotta keep those throat muscles trained for singing, Jane!

    131/365

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    640
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    13
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Karkat Vantas moved to Earth for his own safety and wants nothing more than to graduate college in peace. The universe has other plans.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,391
    Chapters:
    5/22
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    50
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    608
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Stars and moon, can you hear me calling?
    Just shouting out loud, spinning out in the great unknown
    You got me way up high and there ain't no falling
    Zero gravity with you here and I won't let go

    a series of first I love yous

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,043
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    23
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    101
  18. Tags
    Summary

    The living room of Lalonde Manor was a popular hangout spot for many of the friend circle, old and new, for many reasons. For one, it was preposterously large, as was everywhere in Lalonde Manor, a gaudily oversized estate with cavernous interiors comparable to an actual water-hewn cave in the side of a mountain, open concept enough that privacy of voice was nearly impossible without a tiny little whisper. There were also the facts that Mom Lalonde was very free and loose with alcohol, perhaps slightly irresponsibly (although she always made sure she was sober and kept watch if any of Rose's friends wanted to steal a nip), and that Rose had a cat. Cats were fucking awesome. Correction, cats are fucking awesome.

    130/365

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    713
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    4
    Hits:
    16
  19. Tags
    Summary

    You chortle at him, his disgust with this place isn’t something unfamiliar, not in the least, but there’s something about his delivery that just warms that rotten little piece at your core that you nearly forgot you had. Being something made for feeding does that to a motherfucker, that emptiness is not often filled up, and yet this little meal before you has you tumbling out of your seat to get him that drink. Karkat is the first one in a long time to make you this motherfuckin spirited, and when you tell the old man behind the bar, the one who has seen you do this miraculous motherfucking clownery a million times over. He looks at you with something fierce in his eyes and you bare your teeth to him in your best imitation of a grin (though it ain’t like you are opposed to using your teeth in a much more threatening way) and tell him what your brother wants. You’re all leaned up on the bar, splinters digging into what meat there is on your skinny motherfuckin bones and you turn back to Karbro to get a good look at him. He’s fiddling with his phone, it’s one of those new bitches, something put together in the time that you’ve turned into a most mirthful harlequin down in this place of yours.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,915
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    13
    Hits:
    71
  20. Tags
    Summary

    When Jake feels overwhelmed by the pressures of life, he goes to Grandma for advice and support.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,633
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    21
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    57

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