1 - 20 of 42 Works in "Calico" Jack Rackham Being an Asshole

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Stede Bonnet had every intention of meeting Edward Teach, just perhaps not quite like this. And Ed, he had really believed the man he'd only known as the Gentleman Pirate really had taken one look at him and decided he wasn't worth his time. It takes some time for the pair to realize who each other are, but once they do, there's nothing either of them want more than to find a way to reunite Stede's... whatever it is back with his body.
    Well, Ed can think of one thing he'd want in addition to that: for Stede to remember who he is when they succeed.
    It may or not go all according to plan.

    Based sorta kinda on Just Like Heaven

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    88,993
    Chapters:
    20/20
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    162
    Kudos:
    139
    Bookmarks:
    36
    Hits:
    2956
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Stede Fucking Bonnet has been a thorn in Izzy's side for too long. Now it's time to get even.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,248
    Chapters:
    4/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    5
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    126
  3. Tags
    Summary

    After the whole Kraken thing, everything is good but Calico Jack didn't die and he visits the Revenge again and is transphobic to Izzy. Edward doesn't defend him and the crew, Stede, and Izzy are mad at him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,765
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    111
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    1063
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Young Edward Teach and his best mate Israel Hands return from war and find themselves at odds with their former employer, the British Navy. Everything changes when Captain Benjamin Hornigold offers them a place on his crew aboard The Ranger; one of the most heavily armed pirate vessels. The two hesitantly oblige, and the rest is (quite literally, at times) history.
    This prequel theorizes the origins of our beloved characters through a tale of betrayal, heartbreak, love, loss, and loyalty.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,199
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    2
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    50
  5. Tags
    Summary

    It was just another idiot John Cusacking at his estranged girlfriend. They were probably high school sweethearts, separated by scholarship opportunities and bad luck and he’d soon be serenading about giving him a second chance.

    Izzy snorted, ashing his cigarette onto the lawn before the asshole opened his mouth and started crooning:

    Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you.

    "Oh, fuck." Izzy’s smile fell immediately and his heart backfired like an old truck.

    Oh, fuck. Oh, God. That's his idiot.

    Izzy leaves town for college and Jack misses him a whole lot.
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,326
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    50
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    490
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Stede Bonnet is happy, or so he thinks, as happy as he's ever been in his life now that he's established a whole new life after the catastrophic divorce. But at night, when he's alone, he feels the crushing weight of the loneliness that comes from a life unshared with a partner who might actually understand him and love him just the way he is. Stede had no hope of that ever changing, so he sticks to the life he's trying to maintain-- being a good teacher and a good dad to his children.

    When he finally meets a beloved student's adoptive father for the first time, well, that changes things in a drastic way neither man expect. Both of their lives are about to be turned upside down in a way they've both been craving for a long time, but aren't quite ready for. Hijinks ensue... but so does love.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    54,962
    Chapters:
    24/25
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    325
    Kudos:
    424
    Bookmarks:
    69
    Hits:
    8880
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Izzy still doesn't precisely know how to feel about work this morning, but it's somewhere between scorn and dread.

    He's already encountered the new General Manager's influence; Edward's unilateral decision last week to change his signature block to read co-General Manager, for fuck's sake, which Izzy had had to push back on. Izzy's also had actual contact with him; brief, over Teams. His impression of the man wasn't precisely flattering.

    Day one of the High Income Tax Policy and Enforcement Branch, and Izzy doesn't really have any idea what to expect.

    Israel Hands has been the Executive Officer to Edward Teach, General Manager of High Income Tax Enforcement, for a long time. He knows this job, he knows Edward, and he knows how to keep his life separate from work - for the most part.

    And then the branch is restructured to include Stede Bonnet, General Manager of Tax Policy, and his team of fucking clowns. Suddenly Izzy has two bosses, irritating coworkers, and a rapidly disintegrating line between the personal and the professional.

    Not to mention Edward's behaving more erratically than usual.

    (It's a romcom).

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    76,444
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Comments:
    947
    Kudos:
    627
    Bookmarks:
    174
    Hits:
    9994
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Basically, Izzy is 15 and signs up for a small community theater club. Edward and Jack are his divorced parents and it's Jack who signs him up but he signs Izzy up under his deadname. Edward goes to the first meeting to clear things up with Stede and they fall in love. Also, Ed yells at Jack and all the members of the Revenge Playhouse adopt Izzy as their little brother. It's great.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,028
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    102
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    1307
  9. Tags
    Summary

    It was around mid-morning when Calico Jack returned to the Revenge.
    He’d been gone for 5 months.
    Those 5 months had been bad.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,107
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    142
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    734
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Almost a year after Mary & Doug’s wedding, it’s Ed & Stede’s turn to get hitched! With Izzy as Ed’s best man and Lucius as Stede’s, plus an old friend-slash-ex showing up to crash the party, what could possibly go wrong?

    Sequel to the Blackbonnet fake dating au "Perfect Pretenders". This time with Spriggyhands!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    29,606
    Chapters:
    7/10
    Comments:
    315
    Kudos:
    327
    Bookmarks:
    53
    Hits:
    5417
  11. Tags
    Summary

    For the prompt:

    The Stede + Izzy duel never happens, but tensions are still high between Izzy, Stede, and the crew of the Revenge. Calico Jack still shows up (though not at Izzy's behest, and not to lead Ed away so that the British can take Stede) and he and Ed still have a grand old time unleashing their inner frat boy.

    It all comes to a head when, onboard the Revenge, Jack catches Izzy with his whip instead of Karl. The resulting injury is pretty severe and causes quite the commotion... shortly after Stede arrives on deck, Jack blurts that he doesn't know why everyone's so upset all of a sudden--it's not like this is the first time he's whipped Izzy. Turns out, he used to brutalize Izzy while they were aboard Hornigold's ship. Izzy covers up like he does because his entire back is a cacophony of scars he'd received by Jack's hand.

    Izzy would very much like the ground to open and swallow him whole. Ed is horrified. Stede is already drawing down on Jack... because sometimes, you need a weapon a bit more tangible than kindness.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,234
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    21
    Kudos:
    504
    Bookmarks:
    58
    Hits:
    2004
  12. Tags
    Summary

    U up?

    Jack.

    Yes. Izzy tapped out the three letters and stared at them for a moment before pretending to accidentally press his thumb over the send button

    Izzy lets Jack pick him up in the middle of the night and ends up giving Jack the ride of his life.
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,894
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    33
    Kudos:
    178
    Bookmarks:
    30
    Hits:
    942
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Ed hits the floor of the brig hard, the cell door slamming shut with a clank behind him.

    He groans, clutching at his side where it smacked onto the concrete, right around his healing stab wound from Stede. Fuck, that hurt. The floor is damp with mold and smells of piss, so he quickly drags himself onto his elbows, squinting through the darkness as a deep, raspy chuckle rumbles from the shadows. Chains rattle.

    “Well, well, well," Calico Jack drawls. "Looks like we’re really in it now, huh?”

    AKA: Canon divergence. Badminton captures Blackbeard instead of Stede. Stede won't let him go so easily.

    Updates on Fridays!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,009
    Chapters:
    3/10
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    62
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    653
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Izzy is just trying to make it to morning without a hangover while the rest of the crew party at Spanish Jackie’z. Calico Jack decides to mess with him, and Izzy ends up pulled into something he never expected.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,291
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    27
    Hits:
    397
  15. Tags
    Summary

    His hand is on the dirk underneath his pillow immediately, by reflex— but something familiar in the ritual of waking to someone crawling into his bed, his mattress shifting under the weight of another, the warmth and presence of someone in his bed— something tender inside him, makes him hesitate for a split second.

    “Edward?” he whispers, a hopeful call in the dark. “Is that you?”

    The smell of rum and sea rot reaches him. It’s all wrong, he realizes a second too late.

    Jack makes his way into Izzy’s cabin late at night.
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,046
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    149
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    1331
  16. Tags
    Summary

    From the moment he owned his bookshop, Stede Bonnet had been obsessed with the man who ran the tattoo shop across the road - tall, always wearing black, tattoos. But he's never gotten up the nerve to actually talk to him.

    Edward Teach has been feeling his life getting repetitive and monotonous, until he meets the intriguing - if a little confusing - guy that runs the bookshop opposite. If only he can get past his own insecurities and self-doubt first.

    ~~

    OR The modern AU I couldn't get out of my head and decided to post lol

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,245
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    26
    Kudos:
    139
    Bookmarks:
    37
    Hits:
    2029
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Izzy is overworked and tired, but what's new about that?

    He's been trying to prepare everything for the competition in just a few months, but Edward has somehow fallen head over heels for a certain blond, rich boy. Yes, Stede fuckin' Bonnet has rented the studio on the end of the strip for his ballet classes.

    Izzy won't let this get to him. He won't.

    He needs to keep calm and ensure the kids are ready to wipe the floor with the other competitors.

    OR

    The dance school AU that no one asked for but got anyway!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,036
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    27
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    177
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Calico Jack's been mutinied, again, and is visiting the Revenge.

    Stede Bonnet is sick of him, and formulates a plan to make him leave for good.

    Edward Teach is watching with great amusement.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    547
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    47
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    383
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Doing exactly as any good God-fearing Christian would have done, which is what Jack says he is.

    Even though Ed distinctly remembers them drunkenly fumbling around during their last two years of high school and Jack proclaiming that he'd only kneel before one man. That doesn't matter now, they’re not kids. They are well past being kids. In all the time that has passed in their endless lives, somehow they are still friends. The kind that only really talks when the other needs something.

    Ed hasn’t asked for anything in years, but the last thing was too big to be forgotten. And Calico doesn't forget, he remembers. That's why Ed is here in the middle of an almost nowhere town trying to set up a franchise under the Blackbeard name. Nothing fancy, just a bar and grill. Despite the many complaints being raised by the community before he even got to the town hall meeting.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,179
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    23
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    549
  20. Tags
    Summary

    WIP-Spanish Jackie/Israel Hands


    "You told me Blackbeard shacked up with that talking tit Bonnet." She said in precursor.

    "I never said he was fuckin' shacking up you fuckin'--" He trailed off when noticing her expression- deadpan and patient. Fuck you, he thought.

    "Right." She went on, "Listen, he's playing house with that dipstick. You told me you resigned, yeah?" She only waited long enough for him to remember before chugging the fuck along, "You don't have to go back there, Hands. Do it, fuckin' resign. Fuck that gruesome son of a bitch. Y'all are both possessive ass weirdos and it sounds to me like this is the perfect opportunity for you to invest a little more time and thought into your own fuckin' life and your own fuckin' future. That dickhead's gonna be fine, Iz."

    There was a silence. Nevermind how much he loathed the subject, Izzy was considering all of this. He rubbed his face, trying to shake off the webs of irrational anger that were raveling him up. He wasn't pissed at Jackie. Not really. He knew who he was pissed at and the woman must have read it on his face like tarot cards.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    134,939
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    84
    Kudos:
    133
    Bookmarks:
    21
    Hits:
    1880

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