Comment on Yes Fujiko

  1. Man, I don't know where you've been lurking but welcome to the dark light my friend, because this fic is fantastic and I can't wait to get to your others. I've been trying to write a fic like this for forever and then you just waltz in here and hit a home run...I'm done, I give up my porn aspirations. XD Welcome to the fandom, glad to have you here, and looking forward to whatever (whomever? ;P) else is to come!

    The narrative description in this fic is really spectacular. Your word usage is on point, clear, and decisive. There's no repetition, which is always a feat with porn, and the words you picked were authentic to each character's pov in the moment. The dialog was a little silly sometimes (perhaps 'wanton' is a better word), in a way that didn't always match the emotional strength of the way the action was described (at least for me as I read it), so I wasn't sure if this was the characters' insecurity showing or something else, but that said, you managed to illustrate Jigen's anxieties and Lupin's canononical cartoonish ridiculousness in a way that fit in one fic, so there were definitely some successes there as well. (I really loved the moment when Jigen got going talking and admitted how much, and how long, he'd wanted this. That was sweet and sad and cathartic all at once.)

    The action was hard to follow sometimes in regards to people's positioning relative to each other, and sometimes time sped up or slowed down in a way that wasn't probably purposeful. Of course, the tense shifts a lot too; I haven't read the other comments but I'm sure someone else will mention it.

    However, that said, those are really the only concrits I can give and I am full of praise for you, because DAMN. This was very hot and particularly that paragraph of JIgen undressing used language in a way that just lit up my brain in a way I thirst for but rarely get. I loved it, and I wish I could write half that well about scenes like this. Kudos to you friend, you've a got a finely honed talent there.

    This line --
    Probably had a hell of a time finding a toy that matched up to this, huh? Is it everything you wanted, you little crook?”
    --In a way, it felt so out of character because we almost never see Jigen genuinely happy and enjoying himself enthusiastically. But in another way, I really want that to be part of his character, so as a reader I greatly enjoyed seeing this new part of this character right there with the others in the story. It felt highly realistic and refreshing, so kudos to you there for getting that out there, and giving me, the reader, an experience like that. That's really a fascinating skill you should be proud of.

    I laughed so many times in this fic, in that I'm-too-embarrassed-to-go-on-yet-I-must-read-more sort of way. This has captured so many little moments I've long wanted to read about with these characters, and yet it was so unabashed about it (in a realistic way) that I just had to sit there blushing every couple of paragraphs and stare out my window.

    And, I should mention, kudos to getting this fic to work without having to overly explain the premise; that's what always trips me up, myself. Also, the friction between Jigen and Fujiko was balanced well with the tone of the story and didn't get in the way of the fun. Plus, shout-out to Fujiko being a dom without anyone batting an eye.

    Though, that said, now I'm curious about the "another submissive" comment. If not Fujiko, and not Jigen, then who are these people Lupin's dommed? X'D And when will we see the fic about that? <3

    But anyway, man, where have you been and what have you been reading, and what life must you live, becuase damn. This is some real sh*t right here, and it's impressive, hahaha. I'm so glad there's a new person in the fandom who can write this stuff, because I love reading it but we haven't really had those classic, prolific, unapologetic PWP masters yet. God bless this snowstorm I guess, because we've gotten two or three in the last month after having no active posters of that style for several years. And I see you wrote some LoopZoop too, which is the unspoken love of this fandom, so I'm sure you'll do juuuust fine here... :P

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    1. Oh my god I couldn't believe it when I saw this in my inbox. Thank you so much for all the praise!! I've never seen someone break down my writing in such detail before and I greatly, greatly appreciate it! I hope you keep enjoying what I put out to this extent because I hope to write plenty more about Lupin in the upcoming future! Thanks a million!!!

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