Comment on Looking for you in the midnight sky

  1. Ahh that ending! A fairy tale ending indeed! My goodness, what a roller coaster this last chapter was. The mystery of discovering who May was, the confrontation with Brazgot, the discovery that May was Norman and Daria's daughter, her subsequent rescue with Latios' help, the awakening of Kyogre and Groudon, sealing their powers, and then Steven summoning Rayquaza and flying to Sootopolis to stop the battle. And then it doesn't even end there! Can I just say how much I enjoy seeing May's pokemon journey happen after the saving of Hoenn? It happens in the middle of ones journey in the games, but here it's such a fitting way to let her have an adventure that her cursed youth never allowed for, and then in the end after Steven waited so long for her to arrive, she does and defeats him and the end is just so satisfying!

    What can I say, you've got quite the story on your hands. A little part of me wishes we got a bit more to this chapter, perhaps split into two, but then again it feels right, the way you've written it. May gets to have her adventure away from prying eyes, and ends up as successful as we knew she'd be, even without going over every detail.

    I would say this chapter probably had the most errors in terms of grammar and spelling, although I can understand why, with how much action you've packed into this chapter. It's all legible and understandable, even if I had to look up the word for May's prison in the community; I'd never heard of that word before, so thank you for teaching me something new :)

    I really like the emotion you've captured amongst all the action. May's despair at her imprisonment, and learning the truth behind her nightmares. Norman's disbelief first at seeing Latios, then Jirachi, and then discovering that his daughter has been alive all this time. Steven's dismay at discovring his connection with Latios and May and how he can harness that power to play a bigger part than simply the title of Hoenn Champion (which I love the little bit of him turning the title over to Wallace, a nice nod to the games for sure!) You came up with a unique take on the climactic moment of the Hoenn plot, which I love through and through.

    Overall this has a much different feel than the first two chapters, but it's completely warranted. This chapter is full of excitement and harrowing adventure, whereas the other two chapters were about getting to know May and her dream of becoming something more than a cursed child with a mysterious past. It work, and it works well. You've written such a charming story, I thank you for putting it out there to share with all of us. Bravo.

    Comment Actions
    1. Hello there! :D

      So... Your comment killed me with happiness, literally! X') I'm very glad to read that you like this ending!
      To be honest, it was my favorite part to write, I had so much fun while doing it I'm happy I could convey it through this one!

      I see your point, and honestly sometimes while re reading it, I think that I could have done much more for this part, but then I realized that I don't need to because it's already so full! X)

      Ah. Grammar, my nemesis, my kryptonic, my joker, the Frollo of my Quasimodo...! I knew that I screw this chapter because of it! XD I used Grammarly to correct the general errors, but as it's not the premium version, I miss a lot of mistakes! (still, took me two hours to correct this one, so I let imagine how much worse it was before this version! X'))
      I'm still looking for a beta reader, someone who could point out the mistakes, explain them to me so I could avoid them later..! Maybe on a forum, or something like that! ^^ (if you know where I could search, I would gladly take the help!)
      And, if I teach a word, then you're welcome! ^^' (I didn' t know it was an uncommon word for you, but then again, as it's the same word as the one we use in French...)

      Yep, change of atmosphere for this last chapter, but it would have been difficult to write the ending in a sort of Cinderella spirit!

      Thank you so much for your lovely comment, all the other, and your support!

      Have a great day! :D

      Comment Actions