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the first time taehyung meets yoongi is during a late summer afternoon.


the sunset is beautiful. the camera feels weightless in taehyung's hands as he waits; waits for the perfect moment. for that moment where the sun almost disappears into the horizon. right between the trees and the sky is a mix between orange and red, and if he turns around he can catch a glimpse of the faint outline of the moon. where there's rose red and fire orange and bright yellow so that taehyung can lower the brightness of it all and make it harsher. make it darker. the trees will be nothing but shadows in the picture and the sun will be his muse. he's in a different place this time, a street that goes down and the horizon comes to view to be admired.

taehyung brings his camera up, closes his left eye and prays that his contacts lenses don’t fail him again because he really doesn't need another disaster of a picture because his eyesight is awful and he keeps forgetting to get a new prescription. his index finger hovers over the button, teeth sinking into the flesh of his bottom lip and the lighting is good, not amazing but just good , and he keeps remembering the assignment he has to hand in in the next day and then it’s perfect but—

—but someone suddenly enters his shot and blocks half of the light and his brain malfunctions as his finger snaps down in reflex.

“can you please move the fuck out of the way? ” his voice is louder than he originally intended it to be but the person — a man, he notices a moment later — turns around to stare at him for a second before swearing under his breath and moving away. taehyung looks down at the picture he just took and air completely escapes his lungs and before he can even think, he’s yelling again. “no, no, no— come back! i take it back, go back to where you were.”

the guy huffs. turns around to glare at taehyung and taehyung feels a strangely warm shiver penetrate his skin. It settles into his very bones. stares back at small eyes, bleached hair, and puckered lips with the prettiest cupid's bow he has ever seen. taehyung feels warm; warmer than he already did but the summertime afternoon has nothing to do with that as the only one to blame is the beautiful man glaring at him three meters away from where he stands— frozen in place, camera pulled tight to his chest.

“i ain't a ragdoll, man. what the fuck.” his voice is raspy and low and drawled out. his tone is mildly aggressive but taehyung swears honey falls from it and seeps into his veins like the hot sunlight streaks bathing everything around them in yellow and orange. taehyung feels vibrant red. feels like three different shades of red that make his insides feel warm. the sun is lowering more and more by the minute and Taehyung’s scared he’s going to let the feeling slip away from between his fingers like sand.

he finds his voice again a moment later. “i-i'm really sorry. i’m sorry. can you please go back? that was a really nice shot and i realized it too late. i’m sorry. i was rude, really rude— but, please?”

the beautiful man stands there. glares hard at taehyung with deep eyes, and taehyung can't read them from this far, but then the guy sighs and takes a step to his left again. turns around. stares at the setting sun with both his hands shoved deep into his jeans pockets and taehyung can't breathe. he can't breathe, but he brings his camera up once more anyway and allows his fingers to shove the button down. the moment is too perfect— it's not just good anymore, it's perfect and taehyung chest feels so tight that it hurts a bit.

hurts a bit because the guy is wearing a loose t-shirt and the broad of his shoulders turns into a lean back, that curves into a small waist, and taehyung chest hurts a bit more because it’s too perfect. taehyung hasn’t had perfect for a long time. wind picks up and the stranger’s blond hair sways freely.

the sun is barely up anymore, just a faint sliver of orange. the street lamps turn on and taehyung’s fingers are cramping from gripping the camera too tight, but there’s a pleasant feeling inside his chest that feels like warmth. still taehyung can’t be sure— doesn’t want to be. because warm things grow until they start a fire that will only burn and burn until there’s nothing left of it but ashes. taehyung takes comfort in the cold, even if he knows that ice can burn just as much. blue shades had looked prettier in pictures. the same ones that he tries to reproduce in his photos but never quite manage to, always ending up with something too much on the warm side. too much on what he wishes he had, but can’t really manage to find.

taehyung puts his camera down, lets it hang from his neck as the strap digs into his skin. takes small and uncertain steps towards the stranger. watches him turn around to look at taehyung when he hears him move. brows perfectly arched in a way that makes taehyung breathless because people this beautiful shouldn’t be allowed to walk around on the streets like this.

“thank you,” he says it first before the man can say anything. “again, i’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“you’re good.” taehyung can catch the daegu accent when he gets closer and it sends a shiver down his spine. sounds like home. sounds like memories he can’t quite forget when it’s 5am and his camera weighs like a ton of bricks inside his hands as he waits for the sunrise to come because the cold burns too and sometimes taehyung can welcome the sun. can welcome the warm sunstreaks that bathe his skin in a rich honeyed tone and makes him look a little more alive. a little more like he exists. “got any good shots?”

“oh, yeah! yeah, i did. or at least i hope i did. thank you for asking, and, uh- posing? for me. yes. thank you.” taehyung’s a mess and he wants to cringe at himself really, really badly. but he also feels really bad for yelling and he’s not shitty enough to not apologize.

“good. that’s good.” the awkward silence that follows after those words make taehyung’s stomach hurts and clench with anxiety. “uh, it’s getting late so— yeah. take good care of those pictures?”

taehyung nods. whisper one more small “thank you” as he watches the stranger walk away, hands once more shoved in his jeans pockets. his shirt is clinging to his sweaty back and taehyung feels lightheaded from the heat, but as he looks down to his camera and scrolls through the shots he just took, he thinks that maybe it was all a little worth it.

so taehyung goes home. takes a shower and stands under the showerhead until the water gets so cold that he can’t bare it any longer. turns on the aircon; sits down on his bed and stares at his camera while he picks at one of his nails until it hurts. take deep breaths, counts from one to ten inside his head then repeats it out loud over and over until he doesn’t feel like his heart is trying to burst. until the anxiety goes back to being an underlying buzz inside his veins, one that he’s used to ignoring. gets his camera and turns on his computer as he tastes blood on his tongue from where he bit the inside of his cheek too hard. spends four hours editing all the pictures he took and when he’s done there’s a dull ache behind his eyes, and an awful migraine pulsing at the back of his skull. his fingers are cramping really badly but as he stares at the final results, taehyung feels like he wouldn’t have it any other way.



the second time taehyung meets yoongi, it’s on a warm autumn night.

exhaustion has settled deep inside his bones and taehyung can barely haul himself out of his last class of the day, eyes bloodshot and throat sore. the strap of the bag where his camera rests feels like an added weight to his shoulder that he can’t shake off. the phantom of it always stays behind when he strips himself bare at home. it’s still the beginning of autumn and the remnants of summer still lingers in the air, but taehyung feels like he’s freezing and it makes him wonder if the cold he feels in his heart has manage to expand to his whole body. wonders if he’s now made of snow— wonders if his ribcage can be as breakable as thin ice.

he drags his tired body to the nearest convenience store inside the campus. remembers that he hasn’t eaten since yesterday's lunch because he spent all night editing pictures and woke up late for his first class, and friday has always been the busiest day of his week. his stomach is trying to eat itself up by now so even if all taehyung wants is to fall right on top of his bed and not get up until monday, he pushes open the glass door of the store.

the bell makes his headache worse but he ignores it, heads straight to the ramen section and picks up the first one he can get his hands on— doesn’t spare a glance to acknowledge what flavour or brand it is. if it’s one too spicy he’ll just have to deal with a stomach ache later to add on top of the things that hurt his body. taehyung’s eyes are half closed as he slowly makes his way to the cashier, head hanging low as he gently massages his stiff neck and throat. drops the ramen package on the counter with a small sigh.

“photography boy.” his head snaps up at the voice. winces not even a second later at the pain that shoots down his back at the sudden movement. it takes taehyung less than five seconds to recognize him, the cupid bow and small eyes giving it away pretty easily.

“oh.” taehyung throat burns when he speaks but he ignores it. “didn’t think i’d see you again.”

the man ignores his last phrase. blinks at him twice, then looks at the bag still thrown over his shoulder. “you study here?”

taehyung sniffs. pushes a strand of hair out of his eyes. “oh. uh, yeah. yeah i do.” his brain feels sluggish, like all of this is just a weird, weird dream. “uh, do you? study here?”

“oh, yeah.” the guys says. smiles at him with closed lips and taehyung shivers. fidgets with the thick strap of his bag. “min yoongi. fourth year of music production.”

“kim taehyung.” his voice is still hoarse and he suppresses the urge to touch his neck again. watches as yoongi grabs his ramen package and puts it inside a plastic bag. “second year of photography.”

“couldn’t have imagined that.”

taehyung snorts and then sneezes, head beginning to pound as the world spins around him. guess he is getting sick, after all. he gives yoongi the money and grabs the plastic bag, suppressing a cough scratching at his throat. maybe he should have bought medicine, but by now he’s halfway to the door and he just want to crawl under his covers.

Even if it’s at least twenty-six degrees outside and most people would be somewhat sweating a little, taehyung’s shaking like a leaf and he can’t figure out if it’s because he’s probably running a fever or if his heart is trying to really freeze itself. “hey. you okay?” yoongi asks. “you look like you’re about to collapse.”

taehyung stops, holding the door open as the warm wind coming from outside hits his face and makes him feel even more shitty.

“think i’m getting sick.” he doesn’t dare to speak any louder than a whisper this time,  just loud enough to make sure that the other can hear him. “just need to rest. i’ll be fine.”

yoongi hums. stares at him for a few seconds longer before looking away. “if you say so. take care, photography boy. don’t die.”

“probably won’t. see you around.”

when taehyung gets home, he turns his computer on. waits for it to load as he heats up water, staring blankly at the screen with tired eyes. opens the folder with all of his edited pictures, specifically the ones he took of yoongi — taehyung’s kind of glad he doesn’t have to refer to him as simply stranger anymore as it was starting to make him uncomfortable — and stares. just stares. stares until his eyes ache and his body feels heavier by the second as he sits on the chair by his kitchen counter.

stares at the soft pastel colours that the sky is made of and the shadow of a man who stands there and just stares, too. stares at the sunset with his hands shoved so deep inside his pockets that only the bone of his wrists can be seen and taehyung feels a little less cold. a little less like a ghost and a bit more like a human being. a bit more like he exists, even if there’s exhaustion in his marrow and he can feel it getting harder to breathe through his nose already. he’s sure he has a fever by this point.

wishes he could feel a bit more like himself, too, but he doesn’t really know who that is. he’s not sure if he ever did.



it’s not uncommon for taehyung to spot yoongi on campus after that.

he spots him here and there, leaving one of the buildings during the day with a bag thrown over his shoulder, or working until late at night at the same convenience store from before with dark circles under his small, beautiful eyes. it takes two weeks before they talk again, and this time it’s taehyung who approaches him.

“yoongi.” his voice is still hoarse from the whole week he spent dying in his bedroom with a terrible flu and an aching throat but at least he can breathe through his nose now and his temperature had gone back down to a reasonable number. yoongi’s sitting on a bench just outside of the music department and taehyung just got out of his last class for the day. the man looks at him and recognition flashes in his eyes. “see? told you i wouldn’t die.”

he huffs out a laugh. analyzes taehyung for two seconds before arching a brow. “you said you probably wouldn’t die, but i’m glad to see you’re ok. and alive. no “oh” anymore?”

“barely escaped, really. and i know your name now, don’t i?”

yoongi’s laugh is raspy and low but taehyung feels like maybe if he could hear it over and over again forever he wouldn’t feel so cold anymore. taehyung smiles. hovers beside him, not brave enough to sit down by his side, but not anxious enough yet to run away.

“guess you do.” yoongi smiles a bit wider this time, small hints of his teeth showing and taehyung thinks he’s a little bit in love but he doesn’t really want to think much about that. “sit.” yoongi tilts his head to the space right beside him. so taehyung does. he sits and shoves his hands on the pockets of his coat because it’s starting to get cold and taehyung always had problems with keeping himself properly warm. “you’re done with classes for today?”

“yeah.” taehyung sighs in relief, shoulders sagging a bit. “this semester only tuesdays and fridays are busy for me, usually i can manage the rest pretty well.”

yoongi hums again, looking at taehyung, who stares down at his legs. he doesn’t really know how to keep conversations going and this has become awkward really quickly and he knows it’s his fault.

“hey, you wanna come have lunch with me? i know this small diner near here that’s cheap and has great food. besides, i’m cold as fuck and in dire need of a heater.” yoongi’s voice is flat, but taehyung catches yoongi staring hard at him from the corner of his eyes. “you can show me those pictures you took of me, too. you know, copyright and all that shit.”

taehyung looks at him. blinks, and then snorts. “your face wasn’t showing, you’d only have copyright over it if it was.” he hears yoongi muttering a curse under his breath and laugh. his insides feels a little warm. taehyung gets up, fixes his bag on his shoulder and smile. “c’mon, show me that diner and if the food is really good and cheap i’ll show you the photos.”

yoongi smiles back at him and taehyung thinks that maybe if he were to take a picture of the sky right now it would be edited to be a baby blue sky and pastel pink clouds.

it's easy after that, for them. taehyung gets yoongi’s number that afternoon and yoongi gets taehyung’s. they text before they fall asleep and after they wake up and  taehyung calls yoongi “hyung”. it’s easy. everything flows like the stream of a gentle, quiet river— and if taehyung were to ever find that river and take a picture he would edit the water to be soft aquamarine colours that taehyung thinks would look perfect in yoongi’s hair. the grass would be a soft emerald green. it’s quite funny, realizing the difference between the pictures he takes before yoongi and after yoongi. he shows him the pictures he took of him that day, but he’s scared. taehyung’s scared of showing him all the rest, all the harsh colours and low saturation— all the dark exposure that haunts him at night. scared of showing him a part of his soul that people never see.

but he wants to. taehyung wants to tell yoongi about the shots he takes. about those two pictures saved on his memory card— the street he can see through his window after the rain passed; street lights reflected on the water like neon. wants to tell yoongi how he edits his pictures according to how he feels; high saturation is for when he feels high up in the clouds and his chest doesn’t hurt as much from within and taehyung feels like if he reaches up a bit and stands on his tiptoes he can touch a star; grab it and keep it to himself.

low saturation is reserved to the days where he feels like there’s a lump in his throat, the days where there’s an invisible weight on taehyung’s shoulders and his bones feel drenched in exhaustion. days where there’s always tears stinging at the back of his eyes and the world seems so void of colour that taehyung is sure he had gone colour blind. taehyung wants to tell yoongi that his pictures are mostly in low saturation because most days taehyung feels like he’s stuck underwater and the feeling inside his chest gets a bit harder to ignore but he’s trying, even when there’s water forcing its way down his throat and he feels like choking. he’s trying trying trying and sometimes he can create high saturation. sometimes he can edit his pictures with so much contrast and brightness and softness that for some it might feel like it’s not taehyung. But for taehyung who so often changes, nothing ever really feels like him.

taehyung wants to tell yoongi that since that first sunset and all the other times that he’s with him, taehyung doesn’t edit his pictures in darkness and overused shadows and warm temperatures to replace the cold feeling inside him. he edits them in pastel colours and cold undertones and beautiful highlights. in pale yellow like yoongi’s hair and teal blue like the shirt he likes to wear— in lilacs and cherry red. taehyung more often than not edits his pictures along with the way he feels and it takes him longer than it should for him to realize that he feels warm with yoongi.

that inside one of his folders, between so many pictures that have dark shadows and harsh hues, there’s some with warmth in it. real warmth, not the one taehyung tries to fake— the one that can be seen in light tones and soft shades. the one that can be seen when taehyung is with yoongi.



taehyung falls in love quietly. through quick glances and bright smiles and low laughs, and so much warmth that he can barely keep it all in. through fingers that brush but never tangle. he has lived with the cold for so long that feeling warmth like this scares him, but pushes him towards yoongi all the same. every time he goes out with yoongi, he carries his camera with him now. because his pictures are prettier when he’s with yoongi. they’re gentler to look at, more pleasant to be stared at and appreciated. they make him feel a little more like a real artist and less like a lost boy trying to be something people pushed him to be.

when taehyung shows yoongi his pictures he’s on the verge of an anxiety attack but he pushes through it. he pushes through it because his love feels like liquid honey dripping from his heart and casting his bones with gold and he trusts yoongi. maybe too much too fast but he trusts him so he shows him and waits. hands over his computer to the older boy and sits at the other side of the table. slides down the seat until yoongi’s face can’t be seen behind the computer and stares down hard at his hands. picks at his nails until they bleed and takes deep breaths every now and then, because his fingers are shaking and he can’t calm down. no one has seen his pictures before, not like this— not all of them, not the ones taehyung puts part of his soul in. but he trusts yoongi.

it’s going to be okay. if he says that enough times maybe it’ll be true.

he doesn’t see yoongi slowly closing the computer or getting up, but he does feel when the other sits by his side and wraps his arms around taehyung’s trembling body and whispers, “you’re beautiful”.

he doesn’t tell Taehyung, “the pictures are beautiful.” he doesn’t hear, “you’re talented,” like his teachers tell him. “you have a gift,” like his parents used to tell him as a kid.

no, yoongi just hugs him and whispers, quietly, into his ear, “you’re beautiful.” and taehyung’s so in love it feels like his heart is burning in warmth.

the first time yoongi kisses him it’s the end of autumn and taehyung’s so cold that he feels like his fingers will turn to ice and break if he tries to touch something.

they’re walking side by side and it’s past midnight on a friday, but the streets are empty. it’s yoongi’s day off at the convenience store and taehyung didn’t want to go home just yet so they had gone out to grab dinner and wander around. it’s been almost three months since they first met and two since they started talking and taehyung feels okay most times. not good, not really, but when he’s with yoongi the air gets to his lungs a little easier and his bones don’t ache that much. even with yoongi he feels cold sometimes. sometimes yoongi’s warmth isn’t enough to stop his heart from getting frostbitten, so on those days taehyung will just shut down a little, and yoongi will notice because yoongi notices everything. he’ll notice and stay quiet, too. sit beside taehyung and interlace their fingers together and keep taehyung’s hands warm.

they don’t talk about it, but taehyung falls a little more in love every time he does that.

it’s cold and probably past midnight but taehyung doesn’t want yoongi to go back to his apartment alone so he drags him upstairs to his when they get there. turns on the heater and blows hot air into his hands as yoongi looks around the place for the first time because taehyung had never really brought him there. always too afraid of opening another part of himself for yoongi to see but it’s freezing and it’s late and taehyung doesn’t want yoongi’s warmth to go away so he asks yoongi to stay. he does.

he helps taehyung make hot chocolate for both of them because taehyung doesn’t like coffee, and yoongi found out not too long ago how much he likes sweet things. puts small marshmallows on his. they sit on the couch with hot drinks in their hands and stare out of the window, watches the rain that just started pouring down hard.

yoongi whispers he’s glad he stayed and taehyung smiles faintly. finishes his drink and sags against the couch, staring at his ceiling as he listen to the sound of raindrops hitting concrete— the glass of his windows. hears yoongi set his mug on the small coffee table and then it’s just the sound of rain hitting hard, and the heater working to keep the place warm. taehyung doesn’t feel like talking and neither does yoongi so they listen to the rain falling and enjoy each other’s presence for a while.

“tae.” yoongi’s voice get lost under  sudden thunder but taehyung hears it. hums lightly. “look at me?”

he does. turns around and stares at yoongi’s eyes while he picks at a loose thread of his sweater; waits. he waits but it’s been two full minutes and yoongi still hasn’t said anything, he’s just staring at taehyung with warm eyes and the lamp makes his irises look like dark caramel.


“taehyung.” yoongi repeats. there’s something in his voice that makes taehyung shake but he’s too tired to try and define what it is. what could be. “can i kiss you?”

he says it like he’s scared of the answer. like taehyung would say no; like he could ever say no to anything that yoongi asks of him. like he could ever say no to this.

taehyung doesn’t really answer. feels like all of this is a dream of some kind— pushes himself off the couch for a bit and leans forward slightly, brushes his lips against yoongi’s softly. gently, like he’s scared he got it all wrong. gives him space to back away, like he’s scared yoongi will tell him it was just a joke and he’s tired and this wasn’t what he meant but he doesn’t. yoongi brings his hand up and caresses taehyung’s cheeks as thunder strikes again somewhere far, far away from them and then finally, finally kisses him.

yoongi, much like taehyung imagined, tastes good. tastes like the first hot day of spring after weeks of winter and snow and taehyung feels so warm he’s sure that even if he went out in the rain right now he wouldn’t feel the cold for at least a few minutes. he tastes like the hot chocolate they had and the mint gum he was chewing earlier. yoongi presses further into his mouth, runs his tongue along the seam of taehyung’s lips and taehyung’s so in love it hurts. he never wants to stop kissing yoongi. when he kisses him he feels ruby red and he doesn’t want to let the feeling go because feeling navy blue all the time hurts inside.

the hand on his cheek feels blazing and taehyung presses closer, desperate to feel more of that warmth yoongi radiates, never wants to stop basking in it. catches yoongi’s bottom lip between his teeth and tugs gently, kisses it better afterwards. feels yoongi’s free hand settle on his hipbone over his clothes and shivers. kisses him harder, swears yoongi’s mouth tastes like melted honey and taehyung swallows it all up. swallows the small noises yoongi is making and ignore the ones he’s letting out too. breaks apart with a gasp when lightning crackles and the lights flickers above them. he leans against yoongi’s forehead, trying to regulate his breath as yoongi keeps caressing his cheek, not once letting go of him.

taehyung doesn’t realize how bad he’s shaking until yoongi open his eyes and look at him with concern. still doesn’t pull away— keeps holding taehyung like he’s still scared. taehyung’s scared too. he’s so scared that it hurts.

“please don’t regret this tomorrow.” taehyung voice sounds small in the room and yoongi pulls him in, wraps his arms around the younger’s trembling body. “just please don’t tell me this was a mistake when i wake up.”

yoongi pulls taehyung into his lap. cradles his head in his hands and forces taehyung to look at him, to keep looking at him. “this wasn’t a mistake, tae.” his voice is firm and taehyung wants to cry because things like this don’t happen to him. things like yoongi just don’t happen to him and he still feel like all of this isn’t really real. “you aren’t a mistake— hey, look at me. you are not a mistake, taehyung.”

taehyung tries to believe him. he tries, he really does. but warmth stings just as much as the cold and taehyung’s trying really hard not to get third degree burns right now. the ruby red had turned into midnight blue and he hates it because yoongi always make him feel baby blue, something between sapphire and cerulean— a shade of blue no one has a name for yet. sometimes merigold orange and rose pink. sometimes blood red but never dark. he never makes taehyung feel dark but good things don’t happen to taehyung and he doesn’t know how to react.

they don’t really talk much after that. yoongi lays taehyung’s heads on his chest and both of them doze on and off listening to the sound of the rain. eventually taehyung gets up, grabs yoongi’s hands and pulls him with him. lets yoongi intertwine their fingers together as he moves them to his room, turning off the lights as they go.

taehyung’s clothes makes yoongi look smaller than he actually is and taehyung’s chest hurts. maybe more than it should. they climb into bed and taehyung’s still shaking but less— lets yoongi pull his steel blue blanket over their bodies. hugs taehyung. presses his face into his collarbones and whisper sweet nothings into his hair and prays that it makes him feel at least a little bit better. taehyung wants to take a picture of the street while it rains so he can edit it with blue and red. with dark blue and vibrant red and neon green and deep purple. a mix of colours that result in nothing but means everything.

yoongi had always felt like sunset to him; a beautiful sunset that people take pictures off and brag about on the internet about the skills they don’t have. yoongi feels like sunrise and sunset and beautiful, warm things. but taehyung just feels like nightfall. like a freezing rainfall, a brutal thunderstorm. like everything people hate. like everything he wishes he could truly love.

that night taehyung falls asleep to the sound of rain hitting concrete and yoongi’s heartbeat pressed right against his ear. falls asleep praying that when he wakes up in the morning he didn’t dream all of this. prays that he didn’t dream himself further into midnight blue and the hurt inside of him.



yoongi, taehyung learns, kisses him like it’s the first and last time every single time. pulls him close and holds his cheek like he’s still afraid taehyung will run away. like he’s still scared, but taehyung is still scared too. so he kisses him like he never wants to stop and that’s enough for now. maybe someday they’ll stop kissing each other as if they’re terrified it’s all an illusion but it’s alright for now. it’s good. taehyung still feels blue but yoongi’s warmth never leaves him anymore and it’s good.

the semester ends quickly and winter break is already knocking on their door. taehyung passes his subjects being top of his classes and his teachers tell him they’re excited to have him back next semester. his classmates smile at him on his way off of campus. he’s at yoongi’s apartment while his roommate is out, laying down on yoongi’s chest. there’s fingers running softly through his hair and he’s so close to falling asleep and dreaming about pretty colours. is peaceful. taehyung likes peaceful.

“you going home for the break?” yoongi’s voice is quiet in the room. the only sounds are their breaths and the heater keeping the apartment warm, so it’s easy to hear him. taehyung doesn’t bother moving. just mumbles a small no .

“don’t really have a home to go back to.” he didn’t mean it to sound that sad but his voice is small. small and bitter. yet, yoongi doesn’t make comment on it, just keeps petting taehyung’s hair. “are you going home?”

“don’t feel like going this year.” and that’s the end of it. taehyung doesn’t ask and neither does yoongi and that’s okay. that’s just how they work.

taehyung squirms where he lays. moves around on top of yoongi until he can look at him in the eyes, chin digging into his chest. “hyung, can we go see the ocean?”

yoongi smiles. “of course, baby.”

taehyung beams back at him. feels his lips split into a grin and he reaches up, kisses yoongi square on the mouth. kisses him harder, kisses him further— kisses him until his lungs burn and his mouth feels numb. breaks away when it gets too much, when yoongi’s hands are gripping his waist too tight and the warmth is threatening to burn him. when yoongi’s lips feels scorching on the curve of his jaw. he pulls away and looks at yoongi; really looks at him. waits for yoongi to pull away when he pushes closer again but he doesn’t. he doesn’t.

so taehyung kisses him again and again and again— and this time, he doesn’t stop.


he wakes up the morning after when the sun is about to rise in the sky. blinks sleep away with tired eyes and a sore body and stares for a bit at the pale blue and light yellow and pastel pink that the sky and the clouds are made of. yoongi feels warm beside him and so does the arm around his waist so taehyung doesn’t move much. instead, he carefully picks up his camera on the nightstand. brings it up to sleep filled eyes and hopes to god it turns out good. caresses the button and snaps his finger down—  hears the faint click it makes in the silent room. does it again. and again. hopes it turns out good.

hopes it turns out warm.

taehyung finds himself in a train heading to busan not even a week later after that night, yoongi typing away on his phone by his side. they’ve been officially together for little over a month but it feels longer. somehow, it feels much longer.

they had split the hotel cost equally between the two of them and gotten a room facing the sea. their hotel is right in front of the beach and they had lazily scrolled around pictures and reviews of it the night before and taehyung’s excited. it’s been so long since he left seoul and even longer since he went to busan. he misses it. is tired of crowds and cars and too much pollution filling his lungs. wants fresh air, something that will clear his head and maybe make the blue better. maybe make the red a little more like cherry and the blue a little more like sapphire.

yoongi puts a hand on his thigh, and when taehyung looks at him, he’s smiling. turns his phone to him and show him all the things they can do and all the places they can go. whispers on his ear and asks taehyung what does he want to do on his birthday— where does he want to eat? what places does he want to go? looks taehyung and smiles like taehyung is his whole world and maybe he is. maybe they gravited around each other for so long that they’re each other worlds now and taehyung’s okay with that.

taehyung points out something on the screen. hears yoongi laugh, low beside him, the sound he loves so much and that he’s being allowed to hear so close and so often. taehyung looks out of the train window, stares at the trees covered with snow passing quickly by them. shivers a bit inside his coat and take his camera out of his bag, take his glasses off and brings it up to his eye. presses down. thinks that maybe this year’s birthday will be good. looks back at yoongi and see him noting down things on his phone and mumbling softly under his breath and taehyung feels a perfect mix of red and blue. glances back at his camera and smiles faintly.

wishes he could edit it in purple and pink when he’s back home.

busan’s beautiful. taehyung hasn’t been there since he was a kid, maybe six or seven years old, but he had some memories from it. faint, vague flashbacks and nothing more than that but he’s making new one’s with yoongi now and that’s what matters. that is what he cares about.

their room is beautiful and it makes all the money they spent on it worth it. the king sized bed is positioned right in front of the window and they have a direct view of the ocean from it. it’s incredible. it’s the best thing taehyung could ever want, and yoongi is a warm presence always by his side. always with their fingers linked or a hand on the small of his back or the curve of his waist. the hardness of his hipbone. he’s just there; most of the times quiet, but there. and that’s all taehyung could and would ever ask for.

they walk on the beach with freezing fingers and eat weird hot food and go to the aquarium inside big, warm coats. yoongi buys taehyung a new camera bag and taehyung loses a bit of his sanity and kisses his boyfriend silly in the middle of a busy street at the center of busan. he takes a picture of the sun and the beach and of yoongi. his shadow, his face, his thighs— him. taehyung takes his pictures and lock them down inside his heart and inside his brain so he can never forget them. so they can never slip away from him.

christmas passes and then it’s taehyung birthday and they stay inside all day. drown in each other and basks in the warmth of the bed and the amazing view. order room service with money they probably shouldn’t spend and watch as the sun dips lower and lower into the sky, until it’s just above the horizon. taehyung picks up his camera. yoongi’s finger are travelling on the bare skin of his stomach, a feather light touch and it sends goosebumps down taehyung’s arms.

taehyung stares a bit more at the sun. stares at the light reflecting on the water; waits for the perfect moment. sits up and gets his camera into position. presses his finger down three times. one more. sighs in relief when they turn out well and his fingers itch to edit them in beautiful oranges and light shades of blue.

“tae.” yoongi’s voice is calm and taehyung turns to stare at him, placing his camera on his lap, focus on the fingers now travelling his naked back. “can i take a picture of you?”

he blinks. “of me?”

yoongi hums. sits up a bit on the bed— goes for the camera and taehyung doesn’t stop him, just stares at him with confusion. turns around when yoongi tells him to and sighs deeply. relaxes his posture and just gazes at the sun until his eyes fill with tears and burns. peers above his shoulder, look at where yoongi is fiddling with his camera and smiling softly at whatever he’s seeing.

taehyung lies down by his side again, tries to peek at the screen but yoongi just turn his camera towards him anyway. hands him it and presses his lips against the curve of taehyung’s shoulder.

“beautiful.” taehyung stares at the picture. blinks tears away and his lips tremble into a small smile. his bare back is in the shadows of the sunset and his hair is tangled on top of his head and the sheets are a mess around them. the sun is dazzling in the horizon and there’s a barely seen hickey on the side of taehyung’s neck that doesn’t show up in the picture but he knows it’s there— felt it when yoongi had pressed his lips there. he does look beautiful, the picture does look beautiful; but that’s not what taehyung is paying attention to. taehyung doesn’t see any blue in it. only beautiful oranges and pale yellows and, somewhere, a bit of purple, like all the blues and reds finally blended together.

he looks warm.

he feels warm.