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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Dr. Alan Grant pioneers the exciting new field of Anthropologic Paleontology.

    Or, to be more specific, "Alan gets kidnapped and accidentally marries a raptor" (thanks to Sinwritesfics for this very amusing rendition of my summary). However, please note there is not a bestiality tag for this fic, and it never will have one -- just in case that might be a concern for some readers. ; )

    Chapter 2 (missing scenes) added 6/7/20.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    46,731
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    195
    Kudos:
    438
    Bookmarks:
    181
    Hits:
    11401
  2. Tags
    Summary

    In perhaps one of the absolute weirdest, craziest and funniest video game crossover character-swap parodies (and fanfics in general) ever devised, the rich and colorful world of Undertale meets the batshit-insane, drug-induced and equally colorful worlds of Undertail and Um Jammer Lammy (the genderbent bastard child of Parappa The Rapper) in a story that, just like the original game (in fact, it even retains the same plot), is so fucking insane that by the time you're done with it, you'll have literally no goddamned clue what in the hell you just read. And you are going to love it.

    Starring:
    Alphys as Lammy Lamb
    Undyne as Katy Kat
    Gaster as Master Onion
    Chara as Teriyaki Yoko
    Underfresh Sans as PJ
    Papyrus as Fussenpepper
    Muffet as Kathy Pillar
    Asgore as Chuck
    Asriel as Cathy's babies
    Nice Cream Guy as Puddle
    Toriel as Mooselini
    Gerson as Fleaswallow
    Temmie as Ma-san

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,553
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Collections:
    7
    Kudos:
    5
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    621
  3. Tags
    Summary

    In this simply ingenious and often utterly hilarious political fanfiction satire of epic proportions that is pretty much literally Undertale meets How The Grinch Stole Christmas meets Hillary Clinton VS Donald Trump meets Drawn Together, Alphys decides she's officially gotten sick of the Underground's corrupt monarchy system and therefore additionally decides to team up with Undyne so that the two of them can fraudulently work together toward a common goal of changing their land's system of politics into a presidency...

    with said presidency's very first election being based off of the absolute WORST presidential election campaign in all of recorded USA history. I mean, seriously, what could POSSIBLY go wrong with such an absolutely brilliant plan as this?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    22,805
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Collections:
    8
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    5
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    1433
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Oh man, this freaking Alphys X Francis (Alphrancis) shipping...I honestly never thought I'd see it absolutely take off like this, but now...well, here we are, and I honestly couldn't be happier about it.

    To make an incredibly long story short, if you ever wanted to see some hot steamy action between (and just generally involving) these two in a romantic relationship together, then this is undeniably your best, funniest, and hopefully only bet.

    Enjoy, readers! And by "enjoy", I mean "masturbate" XD

    Starring:
    Alphys and a whole bunch of other characters from Undertale
    Francis from Super Paper Mario

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,864
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Collections:
    8
    Kudos:
    9
    Hits:
    2346
  5. Tags
    Summary

    In a short but sweet little tie-in to the classic Alphys' Bad School Day that can really only be aptly described as the absolute kinkiest shit to ever come out of the Undertale fandom, Asriel and Alphys and friends return to MTT Middle School for National Barefoot Day...with foot-fetish-inducing chips implanted firmly into their poor little brains by Gaster so that the sick nasty fuck can jerk off to it...yeah, I think you can already see where this is going.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,215
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Collections:
    8
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    23
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    2747
  6. Tags
    Summary

    In this hilariously twisted and shockingly well-executed Undertale parody of the classic 1999 animated-film masterpiece The Iron Giant, Alphys and Undyne (both playing the role of Hogarth) stumble upon a giant alien robot from another planet named Mettaton (obviously playing the role of the titular Iron Giant); needless to say, all kinds of hilarity, mischief and surprisingly dark humor ensues as the military progressively gets more and more involved in their awkward predicament.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    39,655
    Chapters:
    17/17
    Collections:
    9
    Kudos:
    6
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    967
  7. Tags
    Summary

    In what is quite easily the single most fucked-up (and probably saddest) Undertale fanfic so far, Flowey goes inside Alphys' head and takes control over her brain, eagerly seeking his revenge for what Alphys did to him and his mother in the previous stories Motherly Fuckery and Incestual Apocalypse.

    How, you may ask? Why, only by doing infinitely WORSE things to HER in return, of course, including but not limited to making her actively destroy everything she loves and holds dear to her and quite literally torturing her to freaking DEATH!

    You know, for KIDS!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,875
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    7
    Hits:
    3664
  8. Tags
    Summary

    In quite possibly the funniest (and, in a lot of ways, the craziest) fanfic to hit the Undertale fandom yet, Alphys goes through her first day of middle school and meets all of her incredibly colorful new friends...

    which sounds like an incredibly boring and mundane idea for a fanfic, until you actually READ all of the crazy shit that ends up happening at nothing short of lightning-fast pace in the process!

    I'm not even going to spoil the things that end up happening here; just read them for yourself. (Well, okay, perhaps I WILL spoil that one part with Alphys and Mettaton playing the electoral roles of Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump...)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    23,856
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    8
    Kudos:
    12
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    1122
  9. Tags
    Summary

    In a no-less-than-pitch-perfect Undertale parody/remake of an already-hilarious episode from the beloved Nickelodeon classic Rocko's Modern Life, Alphys gets publicly filmed doing a wide variety of rather embarrassing (and often cute/romantic) on video camera by Undyne and Papyrus, with the weak excuse on their part that it's "for her parents."

    Needless to say, all kinds of smuttily extreme romantic fluff, saitirical commentary and hilarious insanity ensue in the process.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,898
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Collections:
    10
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    5
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    711
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Dozer seemed to be rehearsing an explanation. "They're not fresh out the egg, I know better than to disturb a nest now. But they're all so little and kinda soft and wrinkly—"

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    624
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    17
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    330
  11. Tags
    Summary

    One morning Nick Cutter woke up in the universe in which he was born, went through an anomaly to the past, went through another to where he thought he had started, and found himself in an alternate Britain, facing people whose names and faces he knew but who were not the same as the ones he'd left. Can he make them believe that he is not the same man as the one they know? And can their shared knowledge -- from his world and their own -- prevent Helen's insane malice from causing disaster and death?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    48,704
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    6
    Hits:
    183
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Crawford and Schuldig study the anatomy of prehistoric creatures.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,449
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    14
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    217
  13. Tags
    Summary

    “It’s fifteen feet tall, got claws as long as my hand, and teeth.” Trina’s expression dared Joan to contradict her.

    Joan eyed the length of tooth Trina was indicating. “All right,” she said. “Tell me everything you know."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    24,819
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    155
    Kudos:
    148
    Bookmarks:
    52
    Hits:
    3385
  14. Tags
    Summary

    The story of a dinosaur and the man she loves (and kind of wants to eat).

    While no archive warnings apply, this is horror, so please heed the tags.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,367
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    37
    Kudos:
    182
    Bookmarks:
    44
    Hits:
    2638
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Prompt from the ttoi_kinkmeme: Malcolm's time-traveling friend once brought him back a present from the past: a T-rex egg. Once the creature hatches, it "imprints" on Malcolm, seeing the rough vicious spin doctor as the mummy it never had.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,260
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    688
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Cardinal Richelieu has found the perfect birthday present for His Majesty Louis XIII.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    100
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    16
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    496
  17. Tags
    Summary

    In which Marcus and Esca bring Uncle Aquila a gift from Magical Dinosaur Scotland, which doesn't do quite what it's supposed to. An alternate ending to my dinosaur AU, "Beyond the Mists."

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    977
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    43
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    844
  18. Tags
    Summary

    There are stranger, more dangerous things in lurking in the mists of Caledonia than Marcus or Esca ever imagined. If they are to find the Eagle, they must first survive the terrible lizards, which will not be so easy if they cannot trust each other.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    20,417
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    34
    Kudos:
    79
    Bookmarks:
    16
    Hits:
    2715
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Alexios doesn't believe Hilarion about the terrible lizards, at first; after all, Hilarion tells jokes all the time.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    534
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    692
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Helen Cutter does not care about your thoughts on yaoi ecoterrorism. (This vid premiered at Vividcon 2011.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    246
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    2
    Hits:
    383

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