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Ben had been dead for two weeks. That could be stated without much fanfare at this point given how heavily Reginald had brushed over it. Mere days after the funeral the kids were back out on missions, although it was clear that they weren’t at their regular performance ability. Luther in particular was trying to keep everyone together but he could hardly be expected to emotionally support an entire family while everyone else fell apart. Although the unit known as the Umbrella Academy would probably find something off about the use of the term family to describe them. Ben could hardly do anything to reassure them. After all, being non corporeal rather stripped you of your options when it came to what to do. So Ben fell back on old habits. Yet again he was pacing the library. Of course, it wasn’t the same feeling of home or safety that he used to find when he sat there with a good book. When you’re dead everything feels kind of cold and numb. Although that could also be the emotional dissonance that comes from dying horribly and watching the people you love spiral into a variety of horrors as a result. Sometimes it was ok. Sometimes Klaus would talk to Ben. Sometimes Klaus was there. But Klaus left the moment the drugs entered his system. And that’s when Ben was really alone. It was one of those times. Klaus had been too tired to face reality so chose to slip out of it. So Ben was left to beg him to stop and after giving up because it was futile, to go to the library.

He hadn’t figured out how to pick up physical objects so he couldn’t even find solace in a nice story. All he could do was pace aimlessly. It wasn’t helping. It turns out pacing around a room on your own is never going to make you feel less alone. It’s just going to remind you that you’re never going to be able to read with Vanya again, that you’ll never train with Diego again, that you’ll never be able to talk to Allison again. Being dead is shitty. It sucks. No one’s enjoying it, you can’t help them and you'll never get a chance to again. Instead you get to hang around pointlessly, invisible to almost everyone that matters. What was the point of being around his family if they didn’t get to know? He wanted to punch something. Instead his fist fazed through each bookshelf. It seemed almost unfair he was unable to mess up the library since death had just meant messing everything else up, including his own emotions. But nope, no destruction. Nothing. Destruction probably wouldn’t have actually felt good but feeling, good or not sounded like a dream right now, instead of calm quiet numb Ben who could only bring himself to cry at his own dead body when alone for fear of making Klaus feel worse. Calm quiet Ben had felt invisible even when alive. It was too late now though. Nothing could be done. No resurrection. No do over. Nobody was going to be there for him. No one.

Ben was alone in the library