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How to Magikarp

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I stood nervously and surveyed my surroundings, today was the day I would start my Pokemon journey! I’d never had a Pokemon before or taken place in any battles but I was sure that I could be the best if I-

“Hello GenderlessChild!” cried a passing man with a large white beard 

“Hello random old man that I don’t know!” I replied cheerfully.

My mother had taught me not to talk to strangers but then she sent me off on my own to kidnap animals and force them to fight for my entertainment... so I didn’t really care.

“I see you’re here to become a new magikarp trainer” he said with far too much enthusiasm.

I frowned at that, no I wasn’t about to just train magikarp, who in their right mind would do that!?

Obviously sewing my confusion he added “that’s how we do it here, we train magikarp to jump so they can compete in leagues.”




Please tell me that I hadn’t gone to the one place where they did jumping competitions with magikarps.

”I can show you if you want, I’m Mayor Karp.”

I silently mulled over my options:

  1. I could run away and hop on a train back home.
  2. I could actually train a magikarp, work hard and do something with my life.
  3. I could cry in a pit of sorrow and create a whole new lake for the magikarps with my tears.

The problems with them were:

  1. I don’t actually have any money (why mum, why did you make me come here with nothing!?!)
  2. Ha ha never gonna happen.
  3. Fish can’t swim in salt water.

I looked up at the possibly crazy old man in front of me who was apparently in charge of a whole town and I sighed.

”Let’s go have an adventure” I said sarcastically.

”It will be Magikall!” he said laughing, “you know like Magikarp? It has a k”

It was at this moment that I made a mental note to kill the person who advised me to come here.